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    Nursing: an end

    May 10th, 2012

    I believe the nursing chapter of my life is now over. I don’t know how to feel about it to be honest: I never thought I would be so conflicted about it, and yet I am.

    I guess the term “nursing” is an exaggeration. To be clear, I haven’t really been producing anything substantive for quite some time. While in Vegas for a week, I “pumped” to maintain what little supply I had, and during those sessions I was really only getting a pity-full 0.5 ounce of milk. S2, being the kind soul he is was just humoring me.

    So knowing I had nothing to give him, why is it so hard? We made it to 18 months, which is far longer than I ever would have thought possible. Given my family history I fully expected nursing to NOT be in the cards for me. I gave it my best shot, took it day by day, and I would say made it much farther than I ever expected. Was it worth it? Yes. Did enjoy it? To be honest, not really: it was something I knew was the right thing to do for the best of the boys, but I can’t tell you I loved it. So again, I don’t know why it’s so hard to give it up.

    Maybe because this is the last kid. The last time. It’s one of the many things I’ll do for the last time. In full anticipation of this, I had Kelly photograph us nursing during our last session together (total fakery because we don’t even nurse during the daytime anymore). I know these images will likely make the boys go “Yuck!” any time they see it, but they’re not for them: they’re for ME.

    I keep thinking that there should be one  last official event, but S2 isn’t asking, and I haven’t pushed to offer. A final, final session is more for my closure, and to some degree I think I’m afraid to get it. Right now, I can live with the illusion that while we’re done, we’re not really. And maybe I’m not ready to let go quite just yet of that thought.

    S2 walks… and now there’s proof

    October 19th, 2011

    At the beginning of the month S and I were greeted at daycare by several of S2’s teachers exclaiming that they saw him walking. He was close so I bought it, but it was awhile before he would perform this walking miracle for me.
    Then these past few days he’d take several steps on his own, but never predictably, never when asked to so it was hard to get proof. Until tonight, when I half drained my iPhone battery stalking him. So forgive the camera shake, but here’s unequivocal proof that I think we are now in the possession of another toddler.


    Bliss is…

    October 16th, 2011

    Bliss is lying on the living room floor on a Sunday afternoon watching the boys ‘make’ me treats on the play-kitchen.

    11 months

    October 1st, 2011

    My little Chunky Monks is now 11 months old. He is still a big ball of cuddles, but also mixed in with a pinch of crazy. He’s starting to live up to his name, and that’s not helping keep my gray hairs at bay.

    Pulling up to stand, and cruising is now a given. He now can let go and balance on his own for up to 3-5 seconds at a time. Doesn’t do it consistently quite yet, but certainly long enough for my mom to take a photo as proof. He’s so reliant on crawling as a mode of transportation, that he’s not attempting to step without holding onto something just yet. And to be honest, I’m not running out of my way to show him he can do it either 🙂 He also likes to climb onto things. If given the chance to, he’d scale the stairs to his bedroom all on his own. I imagine he WILL be the child that crawls out of his crib after some time.

    He’s made a huge leap in sleeping skills over the past month. He still falls asleep nursing 5 or so nights a week, but the other two, he’ll put himself to sleep. I’ll admit, I jumped to Ferber, after a couple of attempts of the sleep shuffle. While it sucks to hear him cry, the fact that he is able to put himself to sleep has helped SO much in how many times S and I have to go in with him. Typically now no more than twice a night, although most nights, it’s just a 5am wake-up. For this one, he’s hungry, so I bring him to bed with me so he can eat… while I sleep. Then he’ll snooze for another 1.5 hours. I can live with that. Naps are still elusive, but for now I’m happy that our night-time routine is getting a bit more sane.

    Reflux had also gotten worse over the last few weeks. We upped his Prevacid dosage and that’s helped. While we are not barf-free, it’s been notably decreased, and many occurrences are now typically excused by things, like me having to carry him in strange positions while also trying to support either a 3yr old child on the other hip, or 5 bags of gear. Yeah, I’d hurl too if carried upside down (just about) shortly after eating. But this is good news, because he’s escaping (narrowly) the need to be sedated, scoped and tissue biopsied.

    Weight: 20lb

    Height: 28.75″

    Favorite activity: crawling like a speed demon towards things he shouldn’t be playing with: like outlet plugs, toilet bowls our stairs

    Favorite food: Puffs (still) and Mum Mum crackers. The other “real” food is just filler in between Puff Parties

    Favorite toy: the crank handle that opens the living room windows

    Number of teeth: 2

    Naughtiest moment: climbing 4 stairs up while mom had to take G to time-out and couldn’t close the gate

    Important milestones: Standing without support

    Foto Friday

    September 8th, 2011

    This week’s Foto Friday is brought to you by Kelly M Photography. Kelly took photos for G’s 3rd birthday, and S2’s 9m. They were taken at a secret photo location I scoped out a few months ago. I was saving it for S2’s 1st birthday pics, but I was quite frankly at a draw for what to do for this session. I’m super thrilled we did it now though, because the weather was perfect for that spot, and the pictures came out great. Thank you, Kelly!

    Can I just get ONE puke-free day?

    September 4th, 2011

    I effin’ hate reflux! Every morning without fail Storm spits up. Big time. He’s perfectly happy about and it doesn’t seem to bother him any, but I end up playing “Dodge the baby-puke”.

    It’ll be one thing if he did it after a certain time of eating. Then I can predict it. Instead (and by no fault of his own) S2 spits up right after eating, or right after being dressed, or right after I get dressed, or as I buckle him in the car. The other day I didn’t even bother getting a shirt on for work. I just threw it in my purse and walked out in my pajamas. Just in case.

    G had to stay on his meds until he was 2. I was hoping we were going to do better with S2 and start weaning at one. Not increase instead. Arg!

    I also know that we are lucky in regard to this condition. S’ sister’s family had it SO much worse. Still… cleaning up after a trail of baby doesn’t feel so lucky.

    Oh and for the record, S2 re-enacted the Exorcist scene twice today. I wore it both times :-*

    10 months

    August 31st, 2011

    Man, this has been one busy month! S2’s developmental milestone calendar has been quite busy. Monkey learned to crawl, pull up, figured out how to go over stairs, is taking a step or two while holding himself up AND sprouted a tooth. He’s even starting to let go and is testing his balance. It’s really felt like every other week he’s gone for some new feat. Trouble, I tell you. Trouble, all around.

    His crawling, is fast! He’s a determined little bugger too, and has figured out how to go around his obstacles. If I stand in the way between him and the objects he shouldn’t be playing with, he swerves in a different direction. He cackles too when he sees that you’re after him and picks up speed, ‘cuz of course, chasing him away from digging his hands in the cat’s water bowl is clearly a game.

    Trying to contain him is hard too. With G, our step up from the living room into the hallway was a very effective deterrent for quite a while. I could close the kitchen door, and know that he wasn’t going anywhere. Not so w/ S2. He figured out how to traverse the step within days of crawling. We’re trying to keep the kitchen & dining room doors closed, but when G sees that his brother wants to get in there, he’s happy to oblige and opens the door for him. A bit too helpful, he is. His reasoning was sound: S2 wanted to get in. How do you explain that that’s exactly what we were trying to avoid? Child-proofing with a toddler around is certainly going to be interesting. I want G to be able to have access to the house, because he (for the most part) knows what’s OK and what isn’t. S2 doesn’t.

    S2 is also manipulating his go-go gadget arms skills. The little stinker has already figured out that if he raises himself on his tippy-toes he gets an extra inch or two of reach. Really, Kid, you are too smart for us!

    He has proven that he’s able to do an 8hr stretch of sleep, yet is un-interested in sleeping past 4am. ARG!

    Lastly, I should note how much this kid loves to eat. He’s so indiscriminate to food, it’s kind of awesome. And man, can he put it away. The other day, he ate a size 2 jar of baby-food, several handfuls of Puffs AND an adult size fillet of fish (from fish and chips), batter removed. Yeah. He loves him some fish, and apparently he went nuts for spaghetti at school today too. I’m pretty sure by the time he’s 1, he’ll comfortably transition to daycare’s hot lunch program. I’m about to move him up to size 3 foods, but it’s really a formality since he seems to do fine with grown up food cut fine.

    Weight: 19lb 11oz

    Height: 28″, but it’s not an accurate measurement, because he won’t sit still long enough for me to measure him.

    Favorite activity: pulling up to stand on… stuff

    Favorite food: puffs. Be ready to be attacked at the mere sound of the word

    Favorite toy: music table

    Number of teeth: 1 (with another one around the corner)

    Naughtiest moment: 1) pulling on the plumbing lines of the toilet; 2) chasing after Neko

    Important milestones: Crawl; Pulling up Stand; First tooth

    Toothless grins

    August 28th, 2011

    S2 1st tooth broke through the surface today. I saw it coming, so I snapped a whole lot of pics of this toothless smile yesterday. I’m gonna miss it!

    One kid? All alone? Sign me up!!!

    August 25th, 2011

    This past week-end, S and I had the opportunity to go camping with the kids.

    THEN I got signed up for a training seminar for work, which was to go to 5pm on Friday (cruel, right?) so my plans to leave early to help S set up the camp-site went out the window. I wasn’t planning on spending the night, since trying to get S2 down in a pack-n-play in an enclosed tent for the first time in his life was not my idea of a good time. My thinking was we’d set up camp, have dinner and S2 and I would come home. Then after the training, it made no sense. By the time I’d get there, S would’ve already setup with G, and w/ a 7pm bedtime for S2 it was silly for me to drive for 3 hours to see G & S’ pitched tent.

    So I opted to stay home the first night alone with S2. And honestly the thought of it sounded like a vacation.

    That’s right — vacation. Which makes me laugh, because the first time S had to go away on a business trip and I had to stay home alone with G scared the lights out of me. Now anything that involves only one child seems like a piece of cake. My, my how times have changed!

    P.S. Camping ended up not happening. S drove off, got stuck in traffic and lost all desire to go that evening. He attempted the next day, but after reports on how cold it was, we decided not to go. Next time.

    I’ve created a monster (well… two)

    August 19th, 2011

    S and I haven’t had an un-intertupted night’s sleep since S2 was born. Longer for me if you count all the months I woke up to pee when pregnant. Yes that goes with the territory of having an infant.
    But what sux more is that we’re getting hit on two ends: both boys WON’T go down on their own, AND one of them still wakes up twice at night. Ultimately this produces two tired adults, the lucky one of which that puts G down gets nothing accomplished.
    For the most part (night waking excluded) we’ve brought this on ourselves.

    The story of G
    G falls asleep at 10. That’s right. 10. We’ve tried putting him to bed earlier, but that results in him being in his room for the duration, still awake, still talking to you. We’ve tried killing his mid-day nap, which at our last (and only) attempt, resulted in one pissy toddler. There we made the decision that it was better to have a kid that goes to bed late, than one that screams and throws things at you for hours on end. Translation: the no-nap option was even more exhausting than the late-bird option.
    If you recall, the day before S2 and I were discharged from the hospital, G got sick and raised a fever of 102+ degrees, which hung on for a few days. We battled this by S dedicating himself solely to G, and me to S2. S slept in G’s room, which was enough to get G to ask that he ‘snuggle wich youuuu’ (I don’t do justice how cute he says it) each night. I remember there was a time, when as a baby I would put g in his crib down for the night, walk out, and he’d fall asleep. Man that was ages ago!

    The story of S2
    Really, same story, second verse. Snuggle, rock, put down asleep. Tiptoe out door with fear of little monster waking up because you’d have to spend another 30 min for each put-down iteration.

    It sucks! Sleep training for all is on our horizon. I told myself I’d wait until both kids get to their birthday. Actually, longer because we have two trips planned and I don’t necessarily want to redo everything we do now based on room stay accommodations.

    I am NOT looking forward to this. I am hopeful, though, that at least if S2 figures out a way to fall asleep on his own at night, it will translate to him putting himself back to sleep if he wakes up in the middle of the night too.
    For G, I don’t know how we’ll do this. He screams whenever we try to leave the room now. Sure I can close his gate, but then he’ll think he’s in time out and I’m worried he’ll grow to despise bedtime even more. If you have experience sleep training an older child, I’m all ears.

    So yeah. This is my messed-up-sleep house. Signed,

    At fault.