Gametes In Love

It’s interesting observing how different countries observe pregnancy, labor and parental leave. For example, in Bulgaria giving birth in anything but a hospital is considered insane, but C-sections are elective and “fashionable” choice.

A father-to-be in Bulgaria may be present at the birth (if it’s not a C-section) if he wants to provided the family pays extra for doing so. Many guys here don’t do this, but mostly because they don’t want to – not because it’s financially prohibitive. It seems like in the US, the presence of the dad is expected and not elective.

The US also has the most restrictive maternity programs I’ve encountered so far. In Bulgaria you can take up to a year paid after your child is born, and another year unpaid, following that while your job (not just a job with your company) is protected. Some women also get written out of work after two months of pregnancy.

Compare that with our US-based 12 weeks of unpaid Family Medical Leave Act!

I’m really unsure how to feel about this most recent trip to Bulgaria. Each time I visit I am reminded that I am just a tourist. This isn’t something anyone has explicitly said to me, but although I can speak the language (using at best the vocabulary of a 10 year old), most everything to me is unfamiliar and unknown. In addition, because I visit so infrequently and spend such little time here (about a week or so per visit), I have to re-learn things each trip: what services are available, where, or how to get around for example.

I will say that this visit was the easiest from an ease of mind perspective. Since Bulgaria joined the EU I feel safer here. This is S’s second trip out here as well, and on this trip I didn’t feel like we would have to limit our conversations in public in order to avoid being charged “the foreigner” rate.

I also noted how expensive everything has become… to me. The dollar value right now is certainly not helping, but with an exchange rate of $1:1.3 lv. money doesn’t go nearly as far as it used to. 6 years ago I bought an amazing pair of Italian boots for $30. I think now it’s cheaper to just get these back in the states. At least with being pregnant I am really not tempted to go shopping for myself.

The food here as always is wonderful! I get to eat many of the items I grew up with. Each day is like a treat of things that taste marvelously nostalgic. For example, Bulgaria produces this wheat drink that I simply can’t get enough of. It’s non-alcoholic, and because it is an acquired taste, it’s not really made outside of the country. Given that it doesn’t travel well and that the process to make it is complex it just means I get to drink it only while on Bulgarian soil. S doesn’t like it, which suits me just fine: more for me 🙂 Then there’s the food that my grandmother makes. This is comfort food for me. Of course the woman won’t let you leave the table until you gain 5lbs at each sitting, but that’s a separate story altogether.

Each time we visit our goal is to visit my family and try to fit in a touristy adventure when possible. Our tourist attraction this time was a day-trip to Koprivshtitsa. Located about an hour and a half our of the capital (or 3 hours if you slow down for the pot-wholes and get a little lost) this town is regarded as one of the country’s national treasures. Established in the 1300s (yep Bulgaria is a very old country), it is most popular for kicking off the Bulgarian revolution against Ottoman rule in April of 1876. Many of the homes here are restored to their original construction for the time period and several of them are turned into ethnographic museums illustrating how people lived each day. It produces structures such as this:

I wanted to take S to Plovdiv (one of the former Bulgarian capitals), but given that it’s much further away and we had very limited time, I’m glad that things worked out the way they did.

Ever wonder why languages purposefully change the pronunciation of countries and cities? Why Rome and not Roma? Why Florence and not Firenze?

Our only sight-seeing day in Rome was met with overcast skies and occasional showers. We made some street vendor very happy by embracing our tourist title and buying an umbrella as soon as we got off our bus. However, this 5 Euro accessory saved our trip by making S a much happier boy. I think how I feel about being hot is how he feels about being wet. If today turned out to be a “good” day as opposed to a “miserable” day for him (his words) than this umbrella was definitely worth the exchange rate.

The metro here is very easy to get around! I highly recommend it as the method of getting around here. Driving around here is scary. Not Bulgaria scary (more on this later), but scary none-the-less.

I started my Rome trip with very low expectations of how much we’ll be able to do while here. I told myself that as long as I got to see the Coliseum up close I’ll be a happy girl. Well I saw this and more, so I chalk this trip as a success. We saw a taste of a lot (for a day) and I’m looking forward to a longer trip out here. I love old cities with tons of history behind them and citizens that embrace their heritage. Rome is just that! In a two mile radius you experience everything from structures pre-dating Christ to the Renaissance and beyond.

Our day started with the Coliseum — it’s an amazing structure that even more amazingly was completed in only five years. We walked by St. Constantine’s arch, then up Via Dei Fori Imeriali past the Roman Forums. We went to the Pantheon, Piazza Navona, Trevi Fountain, the Spanish steps and ended our journey at the Flaminio metro station. We wanted to eat at a restaurant our friend recommended, but it didn’t open until 7. By the time we reached it, it was only 3pm and we were beat. We scrapped the recommendation, but as the restaurant in our hotel was quite tasty it was a good consolation prize. Besides, our room awaited me with a nice and calming bath and a place to put my feet up.

I think on our next trip to Rome I’d like to do the Vatican, a more detailed tour of the Coliseum and a day bus tour. I would also love to see the Catacombs.

All I gotta say is that G will be getting his own mileage account as soon as he gets his first plane ticket. This will be a well traveled child! With my family living abroad he won’t be able to help it.

Next up? Bulgaria!

We spent the first 5 days of our trip in an Agritourismo (Bed & Breakfast equivalent but includes dinner too) in the offskirts of Siena. We and about a dozen of our friends enjoyed the fine food, day trips and a wedding. In all of these adventures we realized that a GPS system out here is a must. It’s right about 90% of the time, but without it, we would probably still be doing circles around Rome. How did anyone survive before GPS systems is beyond me! I will say that my sense of direction is better out here. Maybe being on my native side of the world is restoring my directionally challenged mind.

Our first day trip was to old Siena. We walked around the Palio where one of the country’s more famous annual horse races is held. Thousands of people flock here during that time. I, however, am happy that we got to see it without the massive crowds. The scenery around Siena is striking. Finely groomed green meadows, cypress trees, red poppies, and quaint old structures extend as far as the eye can see. I think May is the best time to be here — the temperature, although warm, is not hot, and the green grass is weeks away from turning a dry summer yellow.

Our second day trip was to Florence. About an hour away from our Agritourismo home we had a caravan of several cars making their way out here. It was an experience! Driving in Italy isn’t bad but takes a little bit of getting used to. (Please note, the last statement does not include driving in Rome.) Cars barrel down the highway and trucks are not afraid to join the race, irregardless of their size. Signaling lane changes is a nicety not too many participate in, and having someone invade your lane “just ‘cuz” is a common occurence. People are keen on observing one rule though: you stay on the right of the road unless you intend to go fast. Our California elderly-lady-is-doing-50-in-the-fast-lane-because-she’s-too-afraid-of-merging-cars doesn’t fly here. You go fast, move to the right, or you have the car behind you glued to your bumper.

Anyway — back to Florence. Once we arrived our cars split up based on what each group wanted to do. There was a shopping group, a tourist group, and a “whatever” group. We were in the tourist group. Given that the other family in this little partnership was with a 14 month toddler, we walked at just the right speed me, making all the right stops. We began with the Medici chapel. Michelangelo was a resident arist here and much of the wall fresco’s and sculptures inside are his. We continued our walk from the Duomo ending at the Ponte Vecchio bridge. We tried to see the sculpture of David, but the line to just buy a ticket was absurd so we decided to move on. Instead we saw a David replica. The bridge was our last touristy destination. From here we ended up at dinner at a great pizza place and ended the day with a second tasting of the Crema di Medici gelato. If you haven’t tried this yet, do — it’s worth it. S, who is not even a desert lover was the one we insisted we go back to the gelato place so he can get a scoop of this of his very own. Maybe there’s hope for this man yet.

On our third day trip adventure we visited our friend Stefano’s family vineyards, MorisFarms (www.morisfarms.it). It’s great to get a detailed tour of the operation, walk around the property, and yes, be fed an excellent four course lunch with wine pairings (complete with wild boar raised on the property). Can you tell we’ve been very well fed on this trip? I will admit that despite being pregnant I had a sip of each of the three wines we were served. Don’t yell at me though: each was super, super, small and barely enough to swallow. We’re bringing back two bottles and S has committed to letting them chill in our wine fridge until after G arrives.

Our last day was spent mostly in preparation for the wedding we attended that night. I don’t get to experience weddings in different traditions (or countries) so I relish the opportunity to. Stef’s was a traditional Catholic wedding held at his now wife’s family church. I was initially surprised they didn’t choose to hold the event at one of their winery properties given how gorgeous the grounds are, but in Italy it’s the norm to be married in the bride’s family church. The church the wedding was held in has no address so it was an adventure getting there. It is very, very old and an amazing sight from an archeological perspective. It was small, and had enough seats to seat only about 50 guests. I don’t think I’d seen Stef glow and smile as much as he did that day. His wife is wonderful and I’m happy to see him this happy. The reception included a nine course meal. Yep, you read this right: 9 courses (although in full fairness, side dishes are considered a course here), not including the apetizers. Italians eat late, and by 10pm we were only on the 3rd course. I started to think we’d be eating until 2am to get through it all. The cake was great by the way: sweet but light: just perfect!

I had a lot of people stare at me during the reception. It kinda bugged me. I wasn’t the only pregnant woman there, but I felt like I was getting the brunt of all the stares. Thankfully the mother of the groom the next morning explained: in Italy once a woman becomes pregnant she travels no-where. For the Italians, with my presence, I was probably committing the equivalent offense of a pregnant woman smoking back home.

Oh in case you’re curious, I wore the smaller dress size of the two I brought. I can (and will be) returning the bigger size as soon as we get home.

I am an international disaster! A fainting spell and two falls down (small) staircases, I realized I am an embarrassment to pregnant women everywhere and shouldn’t be allowed to represent us abroad. I have since learned to: 1) drink lots of water, 2) take it easy when walking around on hot days, and 3) most importantly — pay attention as I walk. My two slips were very minor, please don’t worry, but in both cases I had a large audience which bruised my ego more than the behind I sat on both times. The sad part now though is that it’s hard to do any sight-seeing when you’re staring at your feet 🙁

Italy, aside from this, has been wonderful! Pregnant ladies get benefits: everyone is exceptionally nice, we don’t get security scanned going into tourist places around here and most importantly we get access to all the bathrooms we could ever need, once you find them 🙂 Oh, and the food — it’s awesome!!! I LOVE Italian food to begin with and being here is just too good. I came wanting to experience 4 of my favorite foods in an authentic setting:

• pizza
• pasta
• tiramisu
• gelato

So far I’m 3 for 4, and neither has been a disappointment.

I’ve grown, visibly, on this trip. I relish the belly, but wonder if I’m too big for how far along I am. G is also noticeably changing. His kicks are much harder now and I can not only feel them from the outside, but occasionally see them as well. It’s a trip! I’m not uncomfortable yet with his movements, but I can already tell that the last month of carrying him will be well… interesting.

I also realized on this trip that I have been far too spoiled by our bed at home. We have a Sleep Number bed and I can’t wait to lie down on my cushiony #30. I’m taking a day off from work when we return and I think I’ll be spending it in bed alternating hugging our mattress and our kitty.

This past week-end was Babies R Us’ annual 12% sale. With our coupon we decided to go and purchase our most expensive, and least likely to be acquired as a gift, registry item: the Medela Pump In Style breast pump. This puppy uses a 9V battery and 2 valves to get done in half the time. Aside from any images of cow milking you have in your head (as accurate as they may be), this actually will be very useful for us. Once I go back to work, being in the nursing room (yes we do have these on every other floor of each building) for hours won’t be practical. Also, I’d like S very much to participate in baby feedings. Since he lacks the proper “equipment” this method is a good approach to help him bond with G and let me trade off on sleeping schedules.

Anyway… back to my story.

We’re in the car taking our new toy home, and as I’m holding this big box I can’t stop but think “I wonder what it feels like?” S suggested that giving it a try would be a bad idea. “There’s nothing going to come out and nothing to alleviate the stress of the suction. Aren’t you afraid you’ll hurt yourself?”. As this made sense in my head, I immediately had a flash-back to a scene from ‘Notes From the Underbelly’. In this episode Danny and Andrew are in a baby store as Danny ponders what the breast pump device is. He hooks it up to himself, and the image immediately following was of him shrieking like a banshee. Well, I had no desire to re-enact this scene at home, so in the unopened box our pump will stay. It will remain there until: a) G arrives and the milk-fairy follows with him; or b) strength, curiosity or stupidity get the better of me and I decide to give it a shot.

In other news, G has found my bladder! That’s right, my bladder! On a ride home yesterday that should have taken us 15-20 minutes we had to make 2 emergency stops so I can go to the bathroom. While we were in the car, and I was sitting, all I could think of was “Potty! Now!” but as soon as I stood up, the rush to go was gone. Our little boy has decided that while cramped in a sitting position, the best way to make sure he gets more room ASAP is to sit on my little bladder organ and make mommy rise. I’m just glad I wasn’t driving. Do you think the “I have to pee NOW!” excuse is legitimate when a cop pulls you over for a speeding ticket?

I am now getting to a stage in my pregnancy development that the towels we have in the gym don’t quite fit the same way. Think more absorbent “apron” than “around your body” towel.

Ah yes, there’s an image for you.

It’s been about 6 years since my last ergonomics evaluation. I had one today because pregnancy is making my body change and as such the work habits that worked for me 5 months ago don’t feel so good anymore.

The lady who did my evaluation was very nice. She brought her trusty tape-measure and took some random dimensions. She then proceeded to take all the things that make me comfy away. No more arm-rests for one. I now have to use the slide out key-board tray that bumps my knees and she wants to move my mouse to my left side. That’s where I drew the line! No more arm-rests? Fine! I’ll cope. Slide-out keyboard? With a lower chair (which I’ll be getting shortly) the knee bump issue will be gone. BUT YOU CAN’T TOUCH MY MOUSE! I never realize how much I like my wonderful right-hand mousey setup until I have to use a colleague’s machine and it’s all in reverse. So we’re compromising – she’ll change out my keyboard, but leave my mouse alone.

With all these changes, I do hope I won’t be walking around with a stiff lower back anymore.

In two weeks S and I will be attending the wedding of a good friend. This meant shopping! I wanted to wait until I was very close to the wedding to get anything for fear that when I finally need to get into said outfit it wouldn’t… well… fit.

So this past Saturday I went shopping. 3 maternity stores later I had no dress to speak of, but did make the following observations:

• finding a maternity dress that is neither white nor black is hard
• finding a semi-formal maternity dress is harder. Finding a semi-formal dress that doesn’t look like something my grandmother would wear is harder still
• finding a reasonably priced, non-white, non-black, non-casual, non-“I’m in my 80’s” maternity dress is just about impossible. I just can’t justify spending $170 on a dress I will only wear once. I can’t justify spending that much on a dress period, so the maternity style/size makes it even worse
• maternity stores are a great source for a rest-room. Note to others: if at a mall and in need of a restroom, find a maternity store
• putting the pregnancy belly pillow under your clothes to see what you’ll look like in a few months is frightening. I got a glimpse into my future, and let me tell you – it’s humongous!

After our third store visit though, we walked by Express. There in the window were a few very cute dresses, that although not intended for a woman in my “delicate condition” would work just fine.

[picture this, but in silvery gray, no print]

So inside we go, through the dresses I look and I pick up a size 6, and a size 8. Prior to our pregnancy adventure, I wore a size S, 3, 5 or 6 depending on the designer. Given the design of the dress I figured I should still try the size 6, and maybe the size 8 just in case. In the dressing room, I started with the size 8. Wouldn’t you know it? It wouldn’t zip up around my boobs!!! Of all things my rib-cage circumference grew! So a size 10 was next. It fit. The dress was reasonably priced, so I decided to go for it. I also purchased a size 12 “just in case”. I’ll be returning whichever I can’t zip in two weeks.

So there it is – I am now the proud owner of two dresses, each respectfully 4 and 6 sizes bigger than pre-belly. A little scary to think about, but I have a good reason.

Oh – PS. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to my good friend R who as a bridesmaid at my wedding, 8 months pregnant, definitely CAN’T reuse her dress. Sorry babe!

G is getting big! I’m looking at my pictures from today comparing them to two weeks ago and there is definitely a big difference.

His movement these days are just a little noticeable on the outside. When he moves, if you hold your hand over my belly you can just about feel him. I got a couple of good kicks or pushes… or something from him last night. I want S to feel it on his own too — without my translation, so I think we’re another week or so away from that.

And yes, I am intentionally wearing the same PJ’s in each belly shot 🙂