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    Brother trolling 101

    July 20th, 2020

    Found on the light switches downstairs

    We have a house rule: last person downstairs has to make sure the house is locked up and lights are off.

    Storm thought he would take advantage of this situation. Alas, joke was on him: G never saw it. But good try, kid! Good try.


    A real driver’s license

    May 24th, 2020

    G’s mooses often rent Ubers to get them to their mid-night parties (they’re party animals, you see!). They would now like to rent a car, so they can get places on their own.

    Unfortunately, I said that they would have a hard time getting a rental place to give them a car on account of not having a license.

    To solve this problem, Storm responded with this:

    It’s a driver’s license. It’s 100% real! Because…. you know… it exists (and it says so on the license!).

    You also know it’s verified legit, because of the thumbs up sign.

    I guess I know where I’m going next time I need a license renewal.


    Mother F******

    May 16th, 2020

    Because Shane and I both had our eyes just about pop out of our eye-sockets….

    We were sitting in Storm’s room, talking. Storm busts through his door, jazz hands out and yells out “Mother! Father!”….but our brains, being what they are, made a different guess on what was coming after that F.


    Practice cursing for 20 min

    March 16th, 2020

    Our schools (like most others) are off for 3 weeks in order to reduce the spread of COVID-19.

    In the interim the boys’ curriculum will be converted to distance-learning starting on Wed. Until then, they brought home worksheets.

    Storm and I were making a plan for his day tomorrow. He has to finish his 4th Argonaut journal entry and practice cursive… except my guidance went something like this:
    “Ok, so tomorrow, you need to finish your journal draft. Then, practice cursing for 20 minutes”

    Enter in child giggles.

    Yeeeees. There’s a chance Storm will be an expert curser by the end of this shut-down. Cursive hand-writing on the other hand….


    Sleeping arrangements

    December 1st, 2019

    When we go away on holiday, usually we end up in a dual-Queen bedroom room and each of us sleeps alongside a kid.
    This produces morning conversations like this:

    Me: Storm was a really good snuggler last night. He would come over and hug me.
    Shane: Yes! I had a similar experience. Except, in my case, G would put his foot in my face and use it to push off.


    Jeff and Bob (and Cookie and Carrot)

    November 1st, 2019

    Some time ago Griffin pronounced that his name is Jeff… and that he was a Moose. Ya, you got that right: four legged, furry, over-sized deer.

    For the longest time, Jeff had a buddy: Bob. Bob was discovered in the toy hamper right about the time he was on his way to the donation bin. But then Bob and Jeff became (mostly) inseparable.

    Bob helps Jeff get up in the morning. He’s silly and gets Griffin (er, Jeff) up in a good mood, mostly though talking about their overnight adventures. For example…

    Bob and Jeff can fly (like Santa’s reindeer), so they tried out for Santa’s team. They didn’t make the team pulling the sleigh (yes, there’s some discrimination happening there) BUT! they did make the Santa squad by joining the cookie-eating team. You see, Santa was diagnosed as pre-diabetic, so he can’t eat all the cookies left out for him. However, cookies and carrots being the two primary food-groups of young moose, it’s perfect for them. So now they’re practicing for the big day by eating all the cookies they can get into.

    Unfortunately Bob went to school one day… and didn’t make it back home. There were tears. There was a late-night trip to the school. And reward posters. Alas, Bob is still causing trouble out there in the world on his own. Maybe some day he’ll return.

    The good news, though, is that in Bob’s absence, Cookie and Carrot joined the family. In a semi-fortunate turn, Griffin asked for a “sister” for Bob. So I had already crawled eBay with the right search/manufacturer terms. Now Jeff is accompanied by Cookie and Carrot. All is (almost) right with the world 🙂


    Turning 9

    November 1st, 2019

    Today, my little one, you wake up to being 9.

    I often hear you singing to yourself, which reminds me that inside you are just a happy soul. For this birthday, your classmates each wrote you notes complimenting what they like about you. In so many, they call-out your smile. Thank you for making everyone’s day a little brighter!

    This year you started to sculpt and your creations are wonderful. You enjoy making your own comics and Lego are still a core part of your day.

    You still love being cozy, and find comfort in stuffies. Your favorites at the moment are Lost & Found, and Billy the Llama. You like it when I come up with stories from their point of view and make you laugh.

    Here’s you in your own words:

    • How old are you about to be?
      • 9
    • What is you favorite color?
      • Ruby Red
    • Who is your best friend?
      • Parker
    • What do you like to do with your friends?
      • Play
    • What is you favorite book?
      • Overwatch
    • What is your favorite movie or TV show?
      • TV show would be the Casa Grande
      • And do you have a favorite movie?
      • Men in Black
    • What is your favorite animal?
      • Red Panda
    • What is your favorite food to eat?
      • Pizza
    • What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
      • Oreo Cookies & Creme
    • What is your favorite toy?
      • Clay
    • What is your favorite outfit?
      • My normal.
      • Cozy pants with anything?
      • Ya
    • What song do you love?
      • Ya. Keep it Mello
    • Who is your biggest hero?
      • What is that?
      • Do you have a person that you really admire and you look up to? Or persons?
      • Ya. You!
    • What are you really good at?
      • Ugh. Drawing
    • Where do you wish you could go on vacation?
      • Vegas!
      • Why Vegas?
      • Because I like…. I wanna to go there?
      • What do you want to do when you goto Vegas?
      • Do what I can do. I know what I want to do…
      • Which is what?
      • I could go to the M&M factory
    • What would you buy if you had $1000?
      • Nothing. I want to put it in the bank and wait for interest
      • I know you’re lying because you can barely hold on to $20
    • If you could have a wish, what would it be?
      • To never be osidj*
      • To never be bored?
      • To never be poor
    • What do you want to do when you grow up?
      • A YouTuber
      • Really?
      • Ya
    • What do you hope to do before you turn (X+1)?
      • I don’t know
    • Give me a piece of advice…
      • Don’t jump out of a window!

    This is what 11 looks like

    August 29th, 2019

    Griggin, today you are 11. You woke up happy and smiling.

    [vimeo 356570257 w=640&h=385]

    Tonight we get to celebrate with a dinner at your favorite Italian restaurant. You’ve got a few haunts you likes to frequent, and originally wanted to go to your “special celebration” spot, until I reminded you Italian was an option. Then it was a no-brainer.

    This past year I’ve observed you make some excellent decisions and adapt to difficult situations. You’re taking changes (like starting a new school; working with a different Dyslexia tutor… AND 7:30am tutoring) in stride, and making me really proud. While you’ve got a few years before the world will let loose on you, I feel (today) that you’re on a good track.

    Your temper is still short; even shorter even as “them hormones” are starting to creep in. You’re moodier; get angrier faster; are more resistant to the idea that Daddy and I can help in tough spots. This part is tough. I know it’s going to only get tougher too over the next 6 years, but I’m hoping we’ll all come out of it with minimal emotional scarring ;p

    You’re growing to be more considerate of others. More often than not I see you watching out for your brother. You think of things that make him happy. You make choices that will make things easier on us. I thank you for that. You growing up into a considerate human being is the best compliment you can give us as your parents.

    Now… onto this year’s interview:

    • me: What is your name?
      • G: Griffin
    • me: What is your full name?
      • G: Rogers!
    • me: Do you know what the V stands for?
      • G: Viktor
    • me: What do you wish it stands for?
      • G: I don’t know!
    • me: How old are you about to be?
      • G: 11
    • me: What is you favorite color?
      • G: Blue
    • me: Who is your best friend?
      • G: Hayden
    • me: What do you like to do with your friends?
      • G: Play… games
      • me: Such as what
      • G: Play sports
      • me: What kind of sports
      • G: Uhmn.. soccer and baseball?
    • me: What is you favorite book?
      • G: Let’s see: Rick Riordan books
    • me: What is your favorite movie or TV show?
      • G: I don’t know
    • me: What is your favorite animal?
      • G: Moose
    • me: What is your favorite food to eat?
      • G: Pasta
      • me: Any particular type of pasta?
      • G: Nope
    • me: What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
      • G: Cookies & Creme
    • me: What is your favorite toy?
      • G: Computer
    • me: What is your favorite outfit?
      • G: I don’t know
    • me: What song do you love?
      • G: Uhmn… Happier?
    • me: Who is your biggest hero?
      • G: Messi
    • me: What are you really good at?
      • G: Soccer and baseball
    • me: Where do you wish you could go on vacation?
      • G: Ugh… Hawaii???
    • me: What would you buy if you had $1000?
      • G: Another $1000?
      • me: You’re just exchanging $1000 in that case
      • G: Ok, fine, then I’ll put it in the bank!
      • me: You’ll put it in the bank, you wouldn’t buy anything?
      • G: No
      • me: But if the point is you HAD to buy something, what would you buy?
      • G: Off the rent? Of the house?
      • me: You’re going to help us pay down our house?
      • G: Ya: what else would I do with a $1000? If I can’t put it in the bank…
      • me: That’s pretty nice of you man!
    • me: If you could have a wish, what would it be?
      • G: Be taller!
      • me: That’s a good one. I want that too.
    • me: What do you want to do when you grow up?
      • G: Be a professional sports player
    • me: What do you hope to do before you turn 12?
      • G: I don’t know.
    • me: Give me a piece of advice…
      • G: Trump, Don’t build a wall!

    B is for “belligerent”. It means I’m smart

    May 12th, 2019

    For Mother’s Day, G’s class assignment was to write a poem describing me with each letter of alphabet. He shared his poem with me, and I had the joy of reading it, while at work…. and busting out laughing. Here’s my poem.

    ABC to my mom

    A:awesome. You are very awesome to me.

    B:Belligerent. You are very smart.

    C:Casual. You do not get mad a lot

    D:Dandy fine.youare very good.

    E:excellent you are a excellent

    F:fair. You are always fair to me and storm

    G:glorious.you are very glorious to me

    H:Hard-working.you are very hard working

    I:laughable.you make good jokes

    J:Jesting you are very humorous

    K:Kempt you like to be neat

    L:love i love you a lot

    M:mom. You are mom only mom

    N:nice you are nice

    O:Obliging you are very helpful

    P:Patient you wait for me and my bother

    Q:quiet you can sneek up on me

    R:Radiant you are very yoyful

    S:smal you are not that tall

    T:tea you like to drink tea

    U:ultra you do a lot of thungs

    V:very nice i do know that i alrdy did it but stiy you are nice

    W:wine.you and dad like wine

    X:x.x amsome you are doble amsome

    Y:youthful.you are very young

    Z:Zappy you have a lot of eangy.

    My favorite part was “B”. I mean… I can absolutely BE belligerent, though I usually I try to keep that in check.
    It’s now a running joke around these here parts. I’ve proposed other “b” words…. like “brainy”, but he’s preferring to keep with belligerent. 🙂


    How often do you floss?

    May 10th, 2019

    The kids had their regular dentist appointment this week. During their exam, Shane was privy to the following exchange:

    DDS: Do you floss?

    Storm: Yes!

    Shane: [really?!?!?]

    DDS: How often do you floss?

    Storm: Every day!

    Storm: [gets up and performs the floss dance]

    DDS: Yeah…. we get this a lot now

    Insert face-palm here.