Gametes In Love

You know, I’ve always been king of curious at what age farts become funny to boys. Well apparently that age is 15 months. During dinner tonight G must have decided to add some music to the ambiance and proceeded to produce some… out his rear. Hearing the tooting was apparently awesome because he immediately followed it up with a grin and a “ha ha” squeel.

Now I wonder at what age he’ll start blaming it on others. We already have one barking spider following S. What are the chances our house will acquire a second?

Yeah! Welcome to having boys!

We had our annual Holiday photos taken last week by Kelly (http://www.kellymphotography.com/). Thank you!

G’s vocabulary has taken an upswing over the last two weeks. Added to his dictionary are:

• “nana” (for banana)
• “up”
• “dow” (for down), and of course
• “maiii” (for mine).

The last is performed with his arm stretched out and his hand grabbing for his desired object. He uses as it more in lieu of “gimme”, but hey it works for him.

7 words isn’t too bad. And those are the ones we can somewhat comprehend. That’s certainly doubling his dictionary in 2 weeks. I wonder how quickly more will come? We waited 2 months to get from 3 to 7.

There’s also the not-so-coherent list. The one that alluded us for the longest time is this: “Abi Da”. G says it all the time. It’s really hard to figure out what it is, since he uses it in all contexts. It sounds very much like “Up and Down” (spoken quickly), but it’s not it. Also, as much as I’d like to think he’s telling us he’d like to vacation in Abu Dhabi, I don’t think it’s it either. So I asked his daycare. Ms. J and Ms. S looked up at me and said “Oh it means elephant!” Elephant? Really? 1) Why is my kid going around the house yelling out Elephant? Yeah, he’s made a couple of suggestions regarding my weight, but I’m pretty sure “Abi Da” is not targeted at me. 2) How do you get from “Elephant” to “Abi Da”? I get the migration from “banana” to “nana”, but “Abi Da” just alludes me. I don’t buy it.

In addition to his speaking, G’s level of comprehension is really neat to observe. Earlier this week as we were playing I asked him for things like “Get me the ball/monkey/cube” without pointing to any of them and he brought them all to me. Today, I asked him to close the door in his room and he did. S asks him to “give him 5” and G does. It’s so cool! It’s like having your very own trained monkey 🙂

No, hell has not frozen over (not yet at least), but I did manage to find snow about an hour away from our home. Yeah it was manufactured, and yeah the “playground patch” was about the size of my kitchen, but hey I’m glad we went. G on the other hand? Not so much. He was by no means impressed by the “white cold stuff”. He had no desire to touch it, play in it or interact in any way. He just sat there giving me the “can we go yet?” look. Shouldn’t he be a little young for that expression?

Have you ever listened to the lyrics of children’s songs? No, I mean REALLY listened to them? There are many that are really fun and cute, and then there are some that make you want to go “Hmn!”

Let’s take this one for example: “There’s a hole in the bucket”

There’s a hole in the bucket,
Dear Liza, dear Liza
There’s a hole in the bucket,
Dear Liza, there’s a hole.

Then fix it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
Then fix it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, fix it.

With what shall I fix it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I fix it,
Dear Liza, with what?

With a straw, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
With a straw, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, with a straw.

But the straw is too long,
Dear Liza, dear Liza
But the straw is too long,
Dear Liza, too long

Then cut it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
Then cut it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, cut it.

With what shall I cut it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I cut it,
Dear Liza, with what?

With an axe, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
With an axe, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, an axe.

The axe is too dull,
Dear Liza, dear Liza
The axe is too dull,
Dear Liza, too dull

Then sharpen it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
Then sharpen it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, sharpen it.

With what shall I sharpen it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I sharpen it,
Dear Liza, with what?

With a stone, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
With a stone, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, a stone.

The stone is too dry,
Dear Liza, dear Liza
The stone is too dry,
Dear Liza, too dry

Then wet it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
Then wet it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, wet it.

With what shall I wet it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I wet it,
Dear Liza, with what?

With water, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
With water, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, with water.

How shall I get it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza,
How shall I get it,
Dear Liza, how shall I?

In the bucket, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
In the bucket, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, in the bucket.

There’s a hole in the bucket,
Dear Liza, dear Liza
There’s a hole in the bucket,
Dear Liza, there’s a hole.

You know what I wanted to do after hearing this? Add another couplet. It goes something like this:

You’re an idiot, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
You’re an idiot, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, an idiot.

I mean, seriously. Two things strike me about this little ditty: 1) Henry is lazy as all hell; 2) He ain’t all that bright. Obviously he doesn’t want to fix the darn thing, so just fess up an move on. And that Liza is obviously a very patient woman, because if I had to deal with the bum that is Henry he’s be wearing the bucket by the end of that conversation.

Next up, “Five Little Monkeys”. I had the privilege of getting this stuck in my head yesterday.

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
So Momma called the doctor and the doctor said
No more monkeys jumping on the bed!

Four little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
So Momma called the doctor and the doctor said
No more monkeys jumping on the bed!

Three little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
So Momma called the doctor and the doctor said
No more monkeys jumping on the bed!

Two little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
So Momma called the doctor and the doctor said
No more monkeys jumping on the bed!

One little monkey jumping on the bed
He fell off and bumped his head
So Momma called the doctor and the doctor said
No more monkeys jumping on the bed!

No little monkeys jumping on the bed
None fell off and bumped his head
So Momma called the doctor and the doctor said
Put those monkeys back in bed!

While I really do love this song, you gotta wonder: when does CPS get called in on the mom? All 5 of her kids have concussions from the same activity and the doctor told her 5 times to not let them do that. Following the rules of our society,verses 3-6 would dissapear and the last verse would end-up changed to:

No little monkeys jumping on the bed
CPS came and took them instead
Momma called the doctor and the doctor said
I told ya’ not to let them bounce on the bed!

I think I need to release my own CD. What do you think?

I really don’t mean to be a Grinch this year, but it seems like there are a lot of Christmasy-type things that I’m planning on skipping this holiday season.

Prime one? No tree!

That’s right, you heard me. I love Christmas trees! Ever since I was a wee one, I couldn’t wait to get a tree home and decorate it. It killed me when we were in our SF loft not to have one all those years. Yet, this year, I’m standing on the forefront of the “no tree” line. I have 2 primary reasons for it: 1) G; 2) Neko

For starters, G is REALLY into climbing right now. He’s even trying to climb up our safety gates! He started army crawling under them to get into places he shouldn’t, so I lowered them to keep him noggin from getting through. His new approach? If you can’t go under, try climbing over! There’s just no winning here! I really don’t need a tree climber this year, and I don’t want to devise tree mounts to our walls to keep it from toppling over.

Second, Neko is now perpetually being tormented by G. G sees kitty and goes full force after him (maniacally laughing all the way, mind you). Neko, in self-preservation, keeps running away. A tree just spells trouble with this relationship. I can just see it now: G goes after Neko; Neko goes under the tree; G continues in pursuit; Neko decides to climb; tree falls over. Yeah, I might be dramatic, but no thanx!

Next up: no Santa photos.

No, this is not related to my “No Santa gifts!” rant. Yeah, they’re quaint, and kinda cute, but here’s the deal: right now, G has a thing about guys with facial hair. And when I say “a thing”, I mean, screams his bloody head off. Even with people he knows like my dad. So, the idea of standing in a long line with a squirmy toddler and pay money for a generic mall photo only to have G go off screaming is not my idea of a good time. Especially not one I’d like to commemorate in print. I hope next year though!

Third: Shopping.

Is it me, or has shopping hysteria reached new highs recently? Maybe in my adult state I’m noticing it more, but the lines wrapping around buildings and stores is becoming a real turn-off for me. You’d think with our economic outlook still being grim, things would be calmer, but it feels like the opposite. I mean a line around the store for a Zhu Zhu Gerbil? Really?
Oh internet! I puffy heart your calm, patient, open 24-hours, 7-days a week principles. What would I do without you?

I don’t mean to skip out on Christmas this year. I’m really trying to not to, but I’m not quite in the spirit just yet. I think I need some hot chocolate, holiday music, a trip out to see some good lighting and some chilly weather to nip at my nose. Oh, and a vacation. Until then, grumble, grumble, grumble…

Yey, my most favorite pieces finally came off the wall. The top two I think are his best to date.

This next one is a “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell piece”: don’t ask me what it is, ‘cuz I can’t tell ya’… but I think it has something to do with turkey

In the section of our living room that is G’s play area we have two ottomans we got from Target a few months back. They help us contain his toys, so that our living space didn’t appear to be 100% invaded by a 2.5′ munchkin. Also, extra seating space is never a bad thing. Well, it appears that G has found a new function for them: hiding spot.

Yesterday evening, while G and I were waiting on S to get home, I observed him carelessly tossing the contents from one of the ottomans out onto the floor. Little did I know, he was making room… for himself to climb in. And climb in he did. He played in that thing for awhile too, enjoying every moment of it. I sat there thinking “What are the chances he’ll sit in there long enough for me to take a picture?” Well, apparently he did.

The fun part of this was me fiddling with the camera so I could take a decent photo. It was too dark, so I had to play with the settings. Still too blurry. I ran across the hall to to turn on more light, still too blurry. I got out my external flash. Blurry again! Then I gave in and just turned my camera onto Manual mode, with the flash still attached and finally success. In all this scrambling I was thinking “He’s so gonna get tired of this and move on and I won’t have proof for his dad!” Well, apparently I was wrong.

Oh, and in case you’re curious this is how he got out. While he gracefully stepped over the ledge to get in, he went head-first to get out. Never a dull moment, I say.