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    One week

    Today¬† marks one full week without Neko. I’m getting acclimated to his absence, but I don’t like it. The first day after he passed, things felt surreal. It was my denial stage. The second day was really hard, and the little moments (like expecting him to be meeting me at the door, or wait on the cushions over the shoe storage) were hitting me the most. I still feel as I walk around a corner that he’ll be right there, snoozing in the sun. Loveys and stuffed animals loitering the floor only perpetuate this mirage.

    It’s been really wonderful how supportive so many people have been. I’ve gotten condolences cards and calls from the emergency clinic and our pet insurance, and notes from several people that have cat-sat for Neko over the years… even poor M, who was the unfortunate target of Neko’s demonic side.

    G showed me his empathetic side by standing by me a few seconds while I cried on the stairs, only to run off, grab one of his loveys and throw it to me. It was sweet. Really. His loveys make him feel better, and he NEVER wants to share them, so it was a pretty big, unspoken gesture.

    The days since, G progressively asked more and more questions: where he was; was he at the vet… And he’ll stop playing once in a while, frown his face and tell us he misses kitty.

    Within a day or two, I had an irresistible urge to go out and get another cat. Don’t worry! I didn’t. I’m resisting with all my might browsing petfinder.com. Mostly, because I know that I’m not looking for another cat. I want Neko. And I will never have another Neko.

    I try to tell myself some bright sides to being pet-less for the while, but at the end of the day there’s no such thing as a bright side. I’ll happily take any of those “inconveniences” if I can get him back.

    I don’t really know how to close this, so I’ll end with a picture I took of us at one of Neko’s last vet appointments. So fuzzy!

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