Gametes In Love

How far along: 9w
Weight: me = 127.4
Baby size: 1″ long (about the size of a grape)
Sleep: Not bad. I had my first wake-up for no apparent reason at 3am last night. Just awake. And rested. Luckily Nickelodean and the Rugrats helped me out and put me back to sleep
Gender: TBD for another 3 months or so
Movement: Sometimes I think I feel something, but then at 9 weeks, it’s probably just gas.
Feeling: MUUUUUUUUCH better. I’ve been off the Endometrin for about a week and a half now, and each day that I was off the meds I felt progressively better. I can’t say I’m 100% yet. Even with the Zofran I still feel sick from time to time, but I get a sick episode once, twice a day, as opposed to all day long. I can even get out of bed in the morning before 7, which feels miraculous.
Either way, I feel like this child will be our drama queen for sure — it’s not afraid to let me know who’s boss and when it needs attention.
What I miss: My energy. G and I both took a 2 hour nap in the car yesterday following an adventerous trip to the zoo.
What I am looking forward to: more of less icky feeling
Weekly Wisdom: Zoo trip on pregnancy nose? Not a good combo. STINKY!!!!
Food cravings: Chocolate cake. I’m still controlling this one and I haven’t caved in yet, but I know my will-power can only last me so long.
Fetal development:
The kiddo is starting to look more and more human. It’s essential body parts are accounted for, though they’ll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: this week the baby’s heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do it’s tiny teeth. The embryonic “tail” is completely gone. No more tad-pole! It’s organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won’t be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. It’s eyes are fully formed, but the eyelids are fused shut and won’t open until 27 weeks. It has tiny earlobes, and it’s mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that the baby’s basic physiology is in place, it’s poised for rapid weight gain, as I guess am I :-/

Here’s a real snap-shot of the monkey. This was taken on Tuesday at my last ultrasound. I have also now been released from RE care and can officially call myself a “normal” pregnant lady. I have my first pre-natal appointment with my regular OB in a few weeks.

If you’re curious, the kiddo’s lying sideways with the head on the right and it’s little let nubbins on the left.

Last, but not least, here’s a shot of my belly — it’s starting to peak out for sure.

How far along: 8w
Weight: me = 125.6. Lost almost a pound from last week, but up a pound from Wed. My weight is whacked out.
Baby size: a wee over 1/2″ long
Sleep: Pretty decent.
Gender: TBD for another 3 months or so
Movement: Nothing yet
Feeling: This week has been pretty equal. I feel yucky, but in phases, and have occasional moments of feeling pretty normal. I have a theory that the reason I’ve felt so crummy this pregnancy was the Endometrin progesterone supplements I’ve been on. While pregnant with G, it was a different prescription, which as of Thu I’ve now been switched to. I’m REALLY hoping it’s the meds. The Endometrin lists nausea, vomitting, headache, constipation as possible side effects. So either, it’s all the meds, or just standard pregnancy symptoms. Great way to tell, right? The old meds will probably take a few more days to get out of my system, so I’m going to give it a full week before I decide if I’ve felt this way on account of the little one growing, or the Endometrin.
What I miss: Wearing non-maternity pants. I can’t zip up my non-preggie ones anymore.
What I am looking forward to: Ultrasound on Tuesday
Weekly Wisdom: Don’t take children for granted. They’re different, even from the start… and not afraid to let you know that comparison ends at how they came to be.
Food cravings: Nothing specific, but I do have sudden urges out of the blue for random stuff. LOTS of aversion to stuff though. For example, unless meat is in ground-up form, I don’t want to see it, smell it or taste it. Cigarette smoke makes me want to go and barf directly on the person emitting it. Alas, if only I could do so on demand…
Fetal development:
Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from the baby’s hands and feet, it’s eyelids practically cover it’s eyes, breathing tubes extend from it’s throat to the branches of it’s developing lungs, and it’s “tail” is just about gone. In it’s brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. The external genitals still haven’t developed enough to reveal whether we’re having a boy or a girl.

How far along: 7w
Weight: me = 126.2 (I gained 2lb last week? What?); beeb = less than 1 aspirin pill
Baby size: 1/2″ long, about the size of a blueberry
Sleep: All.the.time and at the drop of a hat
Gender: TBD, although our families are already making guesses. S’ mom has a 1 vote in for girl and my dad has 1 vote in for boy.
Movement: Too early to tell, but bowel movement is at a stand-still 🙂
Feeling: Crummy, but significantly better over 2 weeks ago. Plus there’s nothing better than hurling in my desk’s trash can to the listening ears of 5 people sitting around me. If this is not a key-off that I’m pregnant, I don’t know what is.
What I miss: Dropping G off at school. I need a long time to be able to get out of bed in the morning (as to avoid inviting the puke faerie over for breakfast) and getting up in time to take G in has thus far proven un-feasible. I’m hoping we can go back to our routine soon.
What I am looking forward to: New progesterone meds coming in this week. I have a theory that I feel poopie 1 part due to morning sickness, and 2 parts due to the Endometrin I’m on now. Looking forward to putting my theory to the test.
Weekly Wisdom: Sleep. It’s good.
Milestones: 1 u/s showed us a heart-beat
Food cravings: Anything I can hold down
Best moment this week: Seeing our 1 healthy little kid
Fetal development: Every essential organ has begun to form. The hair and nipple follicles are forming, and the eyelids and tongue have begun formation. Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs. The trunk begins to straighten out and the embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of the tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks. Both hemispheres of your baby’s brain are growing, and its liver is churning out red blood cells until its bone marrow forms and takes over this role. It also has an appendix and a pancreas, which will eventually produce the hormone insulin to aid in digestion. A loop in your baby’s growing intestines is bulging into its umbilical cord, which now has distinct blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from its tiny body.

6w4d is what our baby is measuring at. It is 1 day ahead of schedule, but certainly on track of where it should be. The measurements are good and we got to see and hear its little heart-beat. It’s a good pace of 117, which is right on track for the current gestational age. It will get faster over the next couple of weeks.

Given how crummy I’ve felt over the past week, and a few off-hand comments from various doctors and people “in the know”, I’ve been really fearful that our single embie split into twins. While twins are miracles, and I would’ve loved to have twins while pregnant with G, I’ve been really afraid of them now. Between the increased risk during pregnancy, knowing it would be unlikely to carry to term, complications, then insanity of 2 children NOT sleeping while a toddler also needs me; and then the added cost of care, I’ve been really, really scared. I know that we would do fine in the end if it were twins, but the logistics (and hey you know we’re planners) were just mind-boggling. I spent a few good hours yesterday reading medical studies on mono-zygotic twins following infertility treatment. Aaaah, all my bio classes were finally paying back. At the end of my reading, I saw that the chances of us having identical twins was 1.36%, and that was of the sample group already pregnant. The rates of MZ twins following an FET cycle were even lower (0.18%). I’ve slept pretty good last night knowing this. I guess I should’ve done the reading much, much sooner. Call me a glutton for punishment.

When the ultrasound went in, I immediately saw the sac, and in the sac I immediately saw a single embie. It was a huge first sigh of relief. The rest of the appointment I could focus on the measurements and how simply perfect this little one is right now. I’m happy! Our next appointment is in 2 weeks and I hope things continue to stay on track. Until then, wanna take bets what my next neurosis will be? I give myself about 3 days before something settles in :

But until then, marvel at G’s little sibling. It’s the lumpy thing inside the black bubble. Did I mention my dad is convinced we’re having another boy?

I have the best husband! I truly do, and am thankful for him every day. This last week he really stepped up and pulled double-parent/spouse duty, because, frankly, I couldn’t.

Remember my last morning-sickness post? Yeah, well, things progressively got worse over the week. As of Wed I was officially hugging the porcelain bowl, and by yesterday I had added chills & other bathroom-confining activities to my schedule. It sucked! My RE’s office put me on Zofran and called me every morning since. When the chills and GI problems started they sent me to my PCP for further evaluation, because my symptoms no longer pointed to morning sickness, but perhaps actual illness. Good news? I’m feeling much better today. Although none of my labs have produced any diagnosis over why I’ve felt the way I do, today was a drastic improvement.

I’ve felt so poorly over the past few days though, that I couldn’t get up in the morning. S has really had to do all activities around the house and with G. And he’s done it with kindness and without complaint. He stayed home today, because my PCP warned that depending on my lab results I might need to be admitted to the hospital for re-hydration. We didn’t do the “in sickness and in health”-bit in our vows. None the less, the man is there for me and I cherish that more than you’ll know.

Love you, babe!

I’ve been feeling yucky. It sucks. Kind of. I say “kind of”, because while I really don’t enjoy the way I feel, I am comforted by feeling gross. Feeling gross means that my HCG levels are still climbing, and if they’re climbing, the baby is doing OK. Until that first u/s, and being able to listen to the heart-beat on my own, this is the only thing I have to hang onto to make me feel “safe”.

With this said, I’m thankful I’m not hugging the porcelain bowl and I’m hoping it will stay that way.

I’ve heard the saying that every pregnancy is different. While, yes, I acknowledged this was true, I didn’t realize HOW different, and how QUICKLY different would be. In this regard, it makes me feel like I’m experiencing pregnancy for the first time.

I came home from work today (I bailed WAAAAY early might I add) with an arsenal of home remedies: ginger-ale, lemon oil, preggie pops, and even the big guns: Unisom. I’m gonna try and stay away from the Unisom if I can manage it, so tomorrow morning I’ll be starting my day off by reaching for my B6, ginger-ale, and crackers. If I can survive on this alone, I’ll be a happy girl.

I found a lot of support when we were trying to get pregnant (the first time around) on The Knot’s TTTC board. I got a lot of questions answered in regards to treatment, the process…. everything. I felt like I was prepared to make the right (for us) decisions through reading others’ experiences.

Then when we successfully got pregnant through IVF, I found that I had to leave that board. I did so for 2 reasons:

1) Respect for those still trying. While still coping with infertility, for some people, it’s difficult to be in the presence of those who have gone over to the other side… even if you shared the same origins. It’s a feeling very difficult to explain, and I won’t try. I wholeheartedly understand it, and by no means judge it.

2) Self preservation. For each happy baby story, there was the multitude of loss, sadness, and disappointment. I found that the only way I could focus on being of healthy mind was to stop reading about the sadness. Yes, I betrayed friends in that way, but I needed to. For myself, and for G. I won’t apologize for this.

Following my exodus from that community, I joined another — the happier side of IF: that with success. It’s a community that shares a lot, and it’s wonderful! Without it, my pediatrician’s office would have gotten 100x the calls and questions they’ve received to date. I’ve learned so much about nursing, supply maintenance, proper distribution of medication, gear, sleep training: truly the collective knowledge is amazing.

But sadness followed there too, and over the past two years, along with the invaluable parenting information I’ve received, I’ve also seen horrible things happen to wonderful people.

So here I am 4w5d pregnant, and this past week I’ve woken up from nightmares of miscarriage. I spent the first half of this week in dread each morning that THAT day can be the day that something horrible can happen. It wasn’t until noon that I shook that feeling. Let’s just say that it’s an awful, awful way to start your day. It’s gotten better over the last two days, but if I tell you that paranoia doesn’t enter my mind each morning, I’d be lying to you.

Hence the knowledge dilemma. I’m a better mommy because of my online obsession. I’m also a neurotic pregnant chick that needs to be committed into a sleep-induced stupor until week 26 🙂 FIX ME!!!

G now officially has his first phrase. It’s “green ball” (or “geen ball” if you listen to him say it). I was debating whether I could count “oh, no!” from this past week-end, but now we have two more “official” words strung together.

I’m excited! G still baby-babbles a ton, but I can’t wait to listen to the non-stop chatter of him telling me about his day… and actually understand what he’s saying.

BTW, have I mentioned just how much I love his daycare?

Speaking of daycare, I put in our application and deposit for the wee-one-baking yesterday. Yes, at only 4w along we’re on a wait list. Our daycare is really, really popular and their first opening, even for us, will be March 2011. I say even for us, because once you’re a parent here, you get priority in placement. Still, the list is this long, because other school parents are awaiting acceptance for their incoming kids. I swear, the current families will be keeping this program in business for years to come.

Yours truly is now 1.5cm dilated. I started spotting last night. I noticed it during my regularly scheduled mid-night treckto the bathroom. This fact alone got me all excited and I couldn’t go back to sleep. Consequently, I slept poopie all night anticipating something else, something bigger to happen.

Apparently I’m also having contractions. I say apparently because my OB noticed it at my appointment today and I couldn’t feel anything. However, since she mentioned it I am now starting to pay attention, and am noticing cramps that feel like mild menstrual pains every 10-15 minutes or so.

OB’s guess is that G’s birthday party will be within the next 3 days.

These are all the good news.

The weird news is that I might be leaking amniotic fluid. My water hasn’t broken (as far as either I or the OB can tell), but her amniotic test strips are turning green. She’s asking me to keep an eye on it, take a walk today and then call her if it continues. My instincts are telling me not to worry, but I feel silly that I didn’t ask what it all means. She’ll call this afternoon to check up on me so I have a chance to ask her then.

That’s the G update of the day. If she’s right and he does make an appearance at her 3 day mark, he’ll be right on his Due Date schedule. Virgos! Figures!

Update: Well, the hours since I wrote this have been interesting. I’m now def. having contractions that I can feel. It’s Early stage labor, but hey, it’s Labor. This can go on for days though, or stop, so we’ll see.

By nature I am a very trusting person. I believe in the best in people, and unless they’ve disappointed me (and given me reason to distrust), I will go by what they say.

Yes, this has meant that I was convinced that Jimmy Buffet was actually a chain restaurant (named after some dude named Jimmy who really liked buffets), or that cats and dogs can indeed fly in your backyard while cops chase them around.
For the record, and to save myself personal embarrassment (further than I have just admitted to), I will note that some of these things occurred when I was pretty young. Life, and attendance in Physics class, have made me a little bit more realistic, but none the less, I’m still a pretty trusting individual.

… which is why it is my fault TV has messed me up! Yes, I know – just ‘cuz you see it on TV doesn’t mean it’s real, but I will admit that watching the tube has influenced my expectations. Some of it has been good (I like Discovery channel a bunch), but unfortunately not always for the best… as I’m discovering specifically related to labor and recovery.

A few years ago I had the privilege to visit a friend shortly after she had given birth. Although I didn’t say anything at the time, I was taken aback that her post-partum figure was not what it was pre-pregnancy. Yes, thinking about it logically makes sense – your uterus doesn’t immediately contract back to the size of a golf ball, and it took 9 months to get girthy. Why would it melt away right away? But from TV (‘cuz soap operas never lie, right?), the bellies went back to flat in 0 seconds, and my mom said she had reclaimed her skinny-mini figure by the time she left the hospital after giving birth to me. I just assumed it was normal and the way things were.
So I’ve now coming to terms that my body will still look pregnant after I give birth for awhile, and this is natural and expected.

Point number two of how TV and stories (from colleagues, family, friends) have set my expectations in a bad way is Labor. They always make it sound painful. Very painful! This sucks for suggestible people like me, because the conditioning you get is going to influence the experience you get. If you believe that Labor will be a painful experience, it most likely will be. I’ve been trying to recondition how I think it will feel like, but after 20[-caugh] years it’s a little hard. Key has been finding birth stories that exemplify alternative labor experiences. There are some that sound really appealing to me. Like, for example, the women who didn’t know they were in labor until the baby came out on its own. Or the women who had orgasms during labor or pushing.
I’ll take either of those please. Where’s the sign-up form?
So… again, when the time comes, I’ll be focusing on remembering that, if I’m not one of the lucky ones, and labor might not feel pain-free, it will be manageable.

Those are my meditation thoughts for today.

Oh.. in other news. G had the hiccups last night! It may not sound like much to you, but I’ve been worried that I hadn’t felt him do this up until now. If, they were in fact hiccups, they felt pretty cool. It was kind of a rhythmic thumping feeling. They went on for minutes. And if they weren’t the hiccups then I’ll take solace he’s the most coordinated (and enduring) head banger ever.