Gametes In Love

Happy Father’s Day babe!

Oh, and here is G’s declaration of love for his daddy… and the reason why he loves him

We visited Swanton farms two week-ends ago. We tried over Mother’s Day, but Swanton’s current fields are much farther than any of the ones we’ve visited in the past, so we didn’t drive out long enough. Still it was a fun trip — S2’s first where  he got to walk around and pick his own berries, although in his case, he would grab a berry, bite into it, and instantly throw it to the ground. G meanwhile was on the hunt for the biggest strawberry he could find. I’d say he did pretty good 🙂

I’m a day late. I should learn to just upload my videos the day before, that way when YouTube decided to give me a hard time, I’ll have some time to fix stuff.

Today is about story-time: bedtime stories, and S2 reading stories 🙂

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwHN7Q7mzD0]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu-BD_ZrEN0]

S2’s hair is really lightening up. It’s actually becoming the same color as G’s, which means we could potentially have 2 kids with awesome highlights to die for.

He’s definitely a good sized kid for his age. Well, really 50-something percentile (per CDC), which is something I’m not used to. He’s outgrowing clothes on target, and even a little bit ahead. That white onesie he’s sporting. It says 18m on it, but there’s no way we’re getting another month out of it. I have a set of 24m’s on the way so I can finish my set of 24 onesie pics.

It feels like this month has been an explosion of words. Every other day I hear something new from him. It’s pretty awesome and I’m already starting to miss the baby babble. Every time I pull out my phone in the middle of a babble monologue to record him, he quiets down. I hope I get a good long one before it’s gone.

His comprehension is also remarkable. I know that I greatly under-estimate what both boys pick up on and understand, but I’m really impressed with monkey man’s interpretation of a conversation, even when it’s not directed at him, and responding. For example, G tripped the other day and instantly cried out for his Moonka. S was with him, comforting him, confirming he understood what G asked for. Out of no-where S2 comes running with all of G’s friends, that he gathered as soon as G started crying for his “lubies”. I love that he’s so empathetic to his brother. He’s also a menace, don’t get me wrong, but there’s a lot of love and admiration there too.

These last few nights, our well-sleeping monkey has turned into a middle of the night partier. He’s up nightly sometime between 1-4 taking an hour to settle down, and gets pissed if you’re not holding him. Also bed-time has become a pain. We went from books, snuggle, put in bed and walk out as he quietly fell asleep on his own, to shriek fest over putting him down. Nothing happened as far as I can tell: it was a complete 180 out of the blue. Mommy and Daddy are tired, that’s for sure.

Weight: 26lb, 4oz. We’ve got less than 9lb to go before we have to move his carseat around. Arg!
Height: 32.75″

Favorite food: watermelon. Monkey is actually pretty cool with the frui

Favorite toy: Buckles! We got a new buckle lion toy to satisfy his obsession with buckling things

Favorite activity: Still swimming

New accomplishment: Lots of new words. Lots more drama

Number of teeth: 11. 2 more molars came in

Number of words: 19. Added:

• Sara (Sarah)
• Lourdssss (Lourdes)
• buh-bul (bubble)
• Wawa (water)
• muk (milk)
• help
• b’uh (also used for book)
• apah (apple)
• uppuh (up)

Naughtiest moment: anoying his brother just because he can

Temper tantrum meter: low-moderate

S2 got sent home yesterday with Hand Foot & Mouth. Yes. Again. At this point in time I’ve lost track of how many times this virus has rolled through my house. Each kid has had it at least twice. Not a fan, but I’m hoping it will be a mild case. This by the way, if AFTER S2 spent Monday and Tuesday at home from a viral infection. I guess he decided he wanted to be on vacation this week. Joy!

So today he’s home asking to play with our train set stuff. Finally — more use.

I love this kid! Crud, nose booggies and all! Even when he wines that you won’t let him go for the dangerous “toys” I try to keep out of reach.

I believe the nursing chapter of my life is now over. I don’t know how to feel about it to be honest: I never thought I would be so conflicted about it, and yet I am.

I guess the term “nursing” is an exaggeration. To be clear, I haven’t really been producing anything substantive for quite some time. While in Vegas for a week, I “pumped” to maintain what little supply I had, and during those sessions I was really only getting a pity-full 0.5 ounce of milk. S2, being the kind soul he is was just humoring me.

So knowing I had nothing to give him, why is it so hard? We made it to 18 months, which is far longer than I ever would have thought possible. Given my family history I fully expected nursing to NOT be in the cards for me. I gave it my best shot, took it day by day, and I would say made it much farther than I ever expected. Was it worth it? Yes. Did enjoy it? To be honest, not really: it was something I knew was the right thing to do for the best of the boys, but I can’t tell you I loved it. So again, I don’t know why it’s so hard to give it up.

Maybe because this is the last kid. The last time. It’s one of the many things I’ll do for the last time. In full anticipation of this, I had Kelly photograph us nursing during our last session together (total fakery because we don’t even nurse during the daytime anymore). I know these images will likely make the boys go “Yuck!” any time they see it, but they’re not for them: they’re for ME.

I keep thinking that there should be one  last official event, but S2 isn’t asking, and I haven’t pushed to offer. A final, final session is more for my closure, and to some degree I think I’m afraid to get it. Right now, I can live with the illusion that while we’re done, we’re not really. And maybe I’m not ready to let go quite just yet of that thought.

This little road-runner is 18 months old. We’re halfway to 2 people!!! He enjoys laughing, running and bopping people (mainly his brother) over the head with various sized and weight objects.

He  loves to spin himself dizzy, and is still figuring out how to jump. Right now he’s got the whole bootie bounce thing down, which is pretty funny, because while he’s shaking (mostly) back and forth, his feet are yet to see altitude.

He now knows how to do a kissy face and give you a real kiss. His hugs are absolutely the best. He collapses his whole body into you that just makes you melt through the trust he shows you in that embrace.

He’s also a pain in the tuchus. He enjoys being a menace to his older brother: either climbing all over him in the morning while G is still waking up; taking toys away from his brother; or as mentioned before, hitting him over the head.

His new found communication is to cry as loudly as possible, while pointing in random directions. He only quiets down when you can retrieve the object of his desire. In other words, it’s the worst game of Marco Polo/Charades ever. It makes dinner time super pleasant. [Why isn’t the sarcasm font here yet?]

Speaking of dinner, he is still very, very picky. He has his staples and doesn’t stray beyond them. I haven’t yet figured out a way to convince him to try new things. Pretty much if it’s not the shape, color, smell of the things he already accepts, he purses his lips and proceeds to shake his head. I can’t very well force food in his mouth either (not for lack of trying), so at this point we’re doing the waiting game. Oh, I should add he has an excellent throwing arm when it comes to food. If you have a hungry dog, I have a floor that needs cleaning following meals.

He’s got a little bit of curl forming on the back of his head. It’s pretty cute — S2’s got a mullet ;p

Weight: 25lb, 6oz
Height: 32.5″

Favorite food: [sigh] still yogurt

Favorite toy: he gets around. no real preference to any one toy right now

Favorite activity: swimming. Monkey looves him some water

New accomplishment: spins

Number of teeth: 9 and a few more on the way. We get a lot of this lately

Number of words: 10. Added:

• nana (banana)
• b’uh (ball or bottle)
• whodat (who’s that?)

Naughtiest moment: biting friends

Temper tantrum meter: low-moderate

This might be a bit all over the place, because I’m struggling to formulate my thoughts well.

I worry about my relationship with the boys when they reach their teens and beyond. I observe S with G, especially and realize that he has strengths in his ability to dissolve escalating tantrums (coming from G) that I just don’t. I can see how fights can play out with our teenagers, and I see S handling it well (handling it right) and I am not. I am jealous of this. Primarily because I know this will mean they will always approach him first, trust him more, and confide in him more. I have a great relationship with my mom and I want that for myself with our kids. I just don’t know how to “get there”, and I feel that if I don’t figure it out soon, it will be lost on me forever.

I realize that I project my emotional coping skills to my kids. I wouldn’t say I’m unemotional towards them, but in the grand scheme of things, I know I’m reserved toward them. Of course, I hug, and kiss, and tickle, and tell them I love them. But I don’t profess my love to them in overt-displays of affection. When they fall, I don’t rush to them straight away, unless I feel that want they went through is truly cause for concern. I want them to internalize what happened, and decide if they can manage that experience on their own, or if they really need me. I will always be there for them of course: I will pick them up when they fall from tripping, and kiss all necessary boo-boos. But now I wonder if that’s bad. If it’s not enough. If it’s too much on the reserved spectrum.

For the record, I am not doing this because of their gender. I would treat a girl the exact same way.

Since initially writing this, I realized that it wasn’t my reservation that I find to be a problem, as much as what I expect from that reservation. I use my reservation to process my feelings such that I can verbalize them coherently later, and also to make rational choices (the whole count to 3 before you say something in anger thing?). I know it’s unrealistic for me to expect my 3.5 year old to do the same, but it just come down to the fact that I can’t relate to someone who acts on every emotion instantly. And that I don’t know how to handle that sort of expression.

Then there’s discipline. I feel that I’m the harsher dispenser of discipline at home. Granted, I pick my battles, but S, again is far more creative on this than I. I wish I can say I know exactly what he does, so I can watch and learn from it, but it’s not any one thing, so it’s hard for me to see. He almost senses when G is heading for a melt-down and at level 2 of the hot-head meter he intervenes. On my end, we’ll go up to 10, spend half an hour in shriek town, and then achieve house-hold sanity again, albeit shot nerves and a lot of tension. He’s a perfect partner in that regard. But here, I don’t just want him to be a partner. I want to be able to do the same.

Have I read parenting books? Yes. Maybe not the right ones.

I’m feeling stuck. And lost. I want to move forward. But I don’t know how.

Update: I’ve gotten a lot of positive pats on the back since writing this yesterday among the lines that kids will come back to you and get it later. And while this helps, a little, I honestly don’t want to wait until my kids are in their 20s to realize that we have a good thing going. I just want them to know I can be there for them to sort things out. And I’m worried I’m not building on that trust too much.

You gotta watch this video!

In G’s class-room, one of the activities they set up is a fine motor skills building exercise, where you can pick up tiny little doggie bones from a little bowl, using pincers, and transfer them into a doggie mouth. It’s supposed to be an older kid activity, but S2 walked in there today (he’s determined to graduate early), and to illustrate he’s ready walked straight up to the table, picked up the pincers and deposited a bone in the doggie’s gut. 1) I didn’t even know he knew what to do; 2) I was really impressed he did it so well. As were the teachers.

Here’s our boy — being extra advanced for his tender age. Next up is reading, right?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prxjZnEjt6g]