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    One week

    September 28th, 2012

    Today  marks one full week without Neko. I’m getting acclimated to his absence, but I don’t like it. The first day after he passed, things felt surreal. It was my denial stage. The second day was really hard, and the little moments (like expecting him to be meeting me at the door, or wait on the cushions over the shoe storage) were hitting me the most. I still feel as I walk around a corner that he’ll be right there, snoozing in the sun. Loveys and stuffed animals loitering the floor only perpetuate this mirage.

    It’s been really wonderful how supportive so many people have been. I’ve gotten condolences cards and calls from the emergency clinic and our pet insurance, and notes from several people that have cat-sat for Neko over the years… even poor M, who was the unfortunate target of Neko’s demonic side.

    G showed me his empathetic side by standing by me a few seconds while I cried on the stairs, only to run off, grab one of his loveys and throw it to me. It was sweet. Really. His loveys make him feel better, and he NEVER wants to share them, so it was a pretty big, unspoken gesture.

    The days since, G progressively asked more and more questions: where he was; was he at the vet… And he’ll stop playing once in a while, frown his face and tell us he misses kitty.

    Within a day or two, I had an irresistible urge to go out and get another cat. Don’t worry! I didn’t. I’m resisting with all my might browsing petfinder.com. Mostly, because I know that I’m not looking for another cat. I want Neko. And I will never have another Neko.

    I try to tell myself some bright sides to being pet-less for the while, but at the end of the day there’s no such thing as a bright side. I’ll happily take any of those “inconveniences” if I can get him back.

    I don’t really know how to close this, so I’ll end with a picture I took of us at one of Neko’s last vet appointments. So fuzzy!


    Foto Friday

    August 23rd, 2012


    Maybe there ARE miracles

    June 29th, 2012

    A few weeks ago, I was really preparing for the worst in regards to Neko. Today, after yet another follow-up appointment, my heart is happy — his pulmonary edema is cleared, and he is no longer in heart failure. This has been his third x-ray in a month, and he’s  shown steady improvement each time.

    I’d love to be able to say that his heart disease is gone too, but alas this is not so. His heart condition has progressed since last November, but he was at least able to recover from this episode.

    Neko will remain on his medication for the rest of his life. I am now able to give him both his morning and afternoon pills on my own (S is happy about this). He’s being very cooperative about it though, which helps a lot. It also helps that these pills are tiny. When he was a kitten we had these huge tablets we had to get him to swallow. Believe you me, that was a major pain in the butt!

    We may need to change his diet. He’s not eating much. He’s still a fan of his dry food, but lately is leaving his wet barely touched. Since he had urinary tract issues in the past, we can simply switch him to something different. However BOY does he like the Fancy Feasts Appetizers. As his vet said: that is like McDonalds’s, so I’m thinking I’ll give it to him as a very special treat once or twice a month. Those I know he polishes clean 🙂 His weight is an issue. Even though his lungs are clearing, his weight has kept dropping. Today he’s 14lb 10oz, which for a Maine Coon is nothing. Yes, he was always small for his breed (a measly 17lb when males are on average 23-24lbs), but this is a new low, and I’m keeping a close eye on it. Dropping even 6oz more is an alarm.

    The start of the month did force S and me to have some hard talks about what we’ll do in the end. While I’m thrilled not to have to act on our plan, I’m also content we know what those steps will be. Because quite frankly, when the time does come, I want to go based on our script, and make as few hard choices as possible while I’m an emotional wreck.

    G has also been so awesome these last few weeks in regard to Neko. He acknowledges kitty is not well and asks if he’s getting better. I’ve started reading him books on lifecycles for living things, and a few on loosing pets. My favorite is Lifetimes: A beautiful way to explain death to children. It is a very well written book, the illustrations are beautiful, it stops short of talking about what happens AFTER death, and it doesn’t make me want to loose my $hit by the end of reading it. Saying Good Bye to Lulu on the other hand? One of us was bawling by the end of that book, and it wasn’t the short one. Ms. S at school, as a favor to me, has also been doing some reading and discussion on the subject of pet loss too. The class has a new hamster pet, so it’s relevant to them too to some degree.
    Still, G’s sweetness to Neko has been really awesome. Neko in turn has been returning the love by spending more time in G’s room, and the other day he even got in G’s bed with us and night-time.

    I’ve been gifted more time. For this I am grateful.


    More time

    June 15th, 2012

    Neko had his re-check yesterday. I wasn’t expecting a full recovery — this is not possible, but he’s not worse and the medicine he’s on is helping. We’re to increase the dose of his fluid retention medications for a little while and re-check him again in two weeks. He’s eating better — not what he used to, but I’m hopeful that as the medication keeps doing it’s thing, the appetite will keep getting better too. We did have to do two doses of the appetite enhancers, but we’re scaling back on those, since his lack of eating will be the only thing to tell us if he’s getting worse.

    But, for now, we have more time with him. I don’t know if this will be another 6 months, or a year, or many years. But he’s still here with us, and this is good.