Gametes In Love

The last two weeks of waiting have felt very long. The only info or feedback to go on is from A – I wake up each morning and ask how she’s doing. Not the normal Good Morning question, I want to know what’s she’s feeling or not feeling. Is she tired? nauseous? in pain? hungry? sleepy? She’s my only link to what’s happening.

I’ve kept a reserved mindset – I call it Cautiously Optimistic. I think it’s somewhat of a protective approach in case something goes wrong – which is a very real possibility given we are in the very early stages. I’m worried that if I give in to the thrill of the excitement it could make things harder later.

But I just can’t stop thinking that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity — our first kid. You don’t get to recreate these moments. Am I missing out on a something? Am I going to regret my cautious mindset?

The last week has been filled with mixed emotions. We are at such the early stages that it feels like we shouldn’t tell many people about our state, but that’s seems strange given how open we’ve been with our process (well it’s mostly been A doing the sharing). It didn’t feel right to suddenly go Radio Silent, especially with those that have been following this blog.

We’ve decided to keep posting on this blog — so we’ll keep posting updates, information on the process, and our general feelings as we continue down this journey. There may be times when you get info from the blog instead of from a direct call or email. Please don’t feel like you’ve been left out — if you are reading this then you are already part of the Inner Circle. Precisely the people that we want and need to provide us with the love and support, regardless of any twists and turns this journey make take.

The balance we’ve struck is that we have two groups – those that know our Secret and those that don’t. If you were following the blog before we received our BFP (big fat positive) then you know all the details. But until we progress through the first trimester, we’re not broadcasting our news. So help us keep the Secret for a while longer.

We love the support we’ve received thus far and truly appreciate it. Stayed tuned for more posts.

I’ve always thought that from the moment I would find out that I’m pregnant my toilet and I would become best friends. I have a very weak stomach; my mother had morning sickness set off by a sniff of anything, so I just expected that I would be bonding with the toilet gods for a good long while of my pregnancy.

….But nothing

I have no nausea.

I have no sore boobs.

I have no lower back pain.

I am not uncontrollably hungry.

I have no cravings.

I WANT TO FEEL PREGNANT!!!! I want those little munchkins (or munchkin if just the one) in there to let me know I’m really pregnant!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually quite thrilled I’m not yacking left and right, but a little sign for Mommy will go a long way here. Hint, Hint!!!

I am napping during the day though. Does that count?
I don’t know that I’m turning into a pregnant woman to be sure, but at the very least I’m turning into my cat. I wake up, I cuddle with my husband, I have breakfast, and by 10:30-11:00am, I’m feeling tired and ready for a nap. This is after a 10 hour night’s sleep mind you.
I woke up this afternoon after an hour nap to Neko (our cat) giving me that “suspicious cat” stare. I think he’s worried I’m stealing his job.

Oh, and I’ve noticed now that there’s no way I can convince myself to eat anything I don’t feel like, or to eat when I don’t feel like. I don’t gag or anything, but I get an immediate aversion to whatever is in front of me that my body isn’t interested in.

… Maybe I overlook those two symptoms because they’re not constantly there.

… Maybe I’m ignoring anything going on right now until my ultrasound so I don’t get my hopes up :-/

S has been reading tons about pregnancy though, both singleton and multiple pregnancies. He’s been awesome! He’s urging me to eat more and drink more water.

Did you know that you’re supposed to drink 4L of water a day minimum for a multiple pregnancy? That’s 8 16-oz glasses of water! I can barely drink 1L, and even with that I go to the bathroom to pee all the time.

…at least I’m allowed to eat crackers in bed though. Tee hee!

There are only two times in my life that I’ve cried for being happy. Uncontrollably cried mind you:
– The first was when S proposed
– The second was when S gave me this (after getting a call from the lab):

(It’s a little stocking ornament with a picture frame of our embies.)

I looked at him and said “What does this mean?” and he responded “The test was positive. You’re pregnant!”

WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!

Beta level on Friday was 61.7
Progesterone level is > 40

Today my beta level is at 671.

It looks like a healthy pregnancy!!! With those numbers it’s even possible I’m baking two little monkeys in there!

In a way this is just so surreal. It’s hard to explain how you can want something so badly and when it finally happens feel like you’re just dreaming. When I got engaged to S at least I had a ring to pinch me into reality. Now, other than the rare queasy spell I have no reminder that this is really real.

So I came home and had to do a Home Pregnancy Test: not to prove the clinic, but I wanted to see two lines for a change — after a year of single lines and nothing but, it’s nice to see that these pee sticks actually do work for me ;p
Here’s proof!

My first ultrasound will be the week of January 8th. I can’t wait to see it, and my mom’s already asking for pictures of her grand-kids ;p