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    Today, I feel…

    It’s not even 6 right now, but Thanx to Littlest Man giving roosters a run for their money, I’m sitting on the rocker in the nursery thinking (while hoping S2 will find inspiration to nap). I’m thinking about how I feel and right now my first sense is that of

    Gratitude. Neko died at home, with us by his side. It was what I wanted for him. He hated going to the vet, and I hated the possibility of having to compassionately end his suffering in a place that wasn’t where he was at peace. I’m grateful that it didn’t happen while we were at work, or in the middle of the night. We got a chance for closeness, even though those last few moments went fast and unexpected. I would have wished he made an effort to say good bye to each of us, rather than spending all day in the nursery, but he felt so peaceful all day. I’m grateful that his condition gave me some time to prepare, and acknowledge that he needed some extra love to say Good bye in his final months. Yes, there could always have been more love, and cuddles, but I am at peace with where we are. I also feel

    Sad. Generic feeling, but I’ll miss him. I’ll miss him blocking the stairs as he stretched himself out and refused to budge so we can pass. Although he hadn’t truly been himself for awhile, I’ll miss the fur-ball that couldn’t wait for me to wake up so that I would fill his bowls in the morning. I’ll miss my spooning buddy. I’ll even miss apologizing to visitors, that he hissed at, for invading his space or daring to give him attention. I miss the chance the kids would have had to get to know him the way S and I knew him. I also feel…

    Angry. This has been a pretty shitty week: a friend of ours died on Saturday night. I’ve been crying over his loss too. Then all the stuff with G came to a head, and now this. I feel over it. Really! I go back to the thankful part of today acknowledging all the positives, but anger still streams by.

    I don’t know how today will go yet. G was with us when it happened last night. He’s such an astute kid. He knew what was happening. He asked as I was scrambling to call the emergency hospital if we can get another pet soon. I’ve been preparing him by reading books about loosing a pet, and talking to him about what was going to happen. As a biped mom, I feel awful for not being there for him before he fell asleep to make sure he would be OK: I took Neko to the hospital (just in case there was something anyone could do and he wasn’t really gone). S stayed at home with the kids. S2 was already asleep, and g needed someone to take him bed.

    Today I’ll talk to both the kids and we’ll take it from there. Although to be honest, I dread the thought of S2 asking ‘ooh-ah kitty?’
    I thinking about creating a Neko memory box with his favorite toys and blanket inside. The rest we’ll donate. I’d like the kids to help. I’m projecting it would give them closure, who the hell knows…

    I miss you already, little buddy! Cat-nap, forever, in peace 🙂

    a Neko memory lane stroll:

    One response to “Today, I feel…”

    1. Litsecita says:

      Dear A and family, I am very sorry to hear about losing your lovely and wonderful Neko. I am also a loving cat mommy to a wonderful little cat, who is also quite old and lately has had many health problems and has lost a lot of weight. So I could understand your worries about Neko in the last weeks very well. Just like you described the last months of Neko it is sad to see how those lovely little furry beings that once jumped around in the house and played hide and seek with you around every corner get older and weaker.
      It is very nice that you were with him in his last moments and that he had a peaceful day in the nursery and not at the vet. I am sure that he felt loved by you and felt comfortable in his home with you being there. May he rest softly and peacefully in cat heaven.

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