• Home
  • About

    It’s not always sunshine and rainbows

    Parenting sucks. Sometimes.

    We’ve been told that with kids, when it’s good, it feels really good, and when it’s bad, it feels really bad. Right now we’re in a really bad spot. Actually, I don’t even know if I can say spot, because my moments in parenting desperation are transient by the hour of the day.

    G has been rough to be around of late. I can’t point exactly when it started. I want to say around turning 2. We had “the terrible two’s”, which then became “the terrible three’s” and somehow we’re kind of stuck in replay mode still at 4. I never questioned just how bad the tantrums were because everyone kept exulting just how awful this age phase is.

    I feel like all tantrums, since the beginning have been around him not getting what he wants. The tantrums were screaming and hysterical crying at two. Mixed in with some ground tossing and leg kicking. Annoying, but for the most part manageable. Then at three they turned more physical with intent to go after S and I and hurt us. I won’t lie, or hide at this point, that there were several occasions, when these outbursts were so out of control, I’d have to sit on G to restrain him from hitting me, until he exhausted himself. Or sit him on the stairs, with myself wrapped around him, allowing him to kick, but not injure me. The tantrums at three also included throwing things out of his room, which is why for quite awhile his room was bare of toys, books, etc. and included just the bare necessities of sleep. We have dings in the wall across his bedroom, and color marks from colorful toys rubbing off as they scraped the walls going by. Then the spitting started. Thankfully it’s more like blowing raspberry, with some wet flying by, but it doesn’t make it any better.

    I’ve kept thinking that it will get better. And on some days I feel it has.

    Lately though? Not so much.

    I dread picking G up from his classroom, because it feels like every other day I get a report that sounds like:

    “He had a really good day, until the afternoon when he started spitting”, or

    “He had to spend some time in the office, because at nap time he was being really loud, disruptive, started yelling, and woke up the other kids”, or

    “He got angry and started trying to kick us”, or …. well, you get the picture.

    I feel apologetic, and … a bad parent.

    It’s not that I don’t want to change this. I do! I just don’t know what the hell to do. I’ve read some parenting books, and talked to other parents. My issue with the parenting books, is that while the techniques are interesting to read about, the situations feel so high level and they don’t address my scenarios. Yes, there’s something to be said about proper application. Maybe I haven’t been strict enough in practices, or applying the techniques correctly, but it shouldn’t be THIS hard. It shouldn’t be THIS bad.

    Our school asked to meet with us to talk about what’s going on. It’s kind of the preschool equivalent of being sent to the principle’s office. This immediately sent me on a trip of a) instantly feeling like our parenting skills were called out as poor; b) worry that we’ll be asked to leave the program. You remember how hard it is to find a good daycare facility right? Thankfully, I’ve been assured that’s not the case.

    But between the meet request and just how awful G was at his 4 yr check-up, I just had to stop and cry about it. Cry for feeling helpless, and cry because I worry about what could happen if this doesn’t change. I have images in my head about a teen that gets in constant trouble, with no respect for others around him; a sociopathic adult, and ultimately a human being that I would regret bringing into being. Yes, my mind went there! All because I don’t know how to help my four year old control his emotions.

    I was planning on talking to Dr. M about seeking professional help. I guess G did that all on his own, because after seeing it a small glimpse into our world, Dr. M suggested that we see a child psychologist. He indicated that his behavior felt regressive, and something he would normally see of a two year old and not a four year old. Yey for validation. Crap for it really being bad enough to necessitate professional help.

    Yet, when he is sweet, he is really, REALLY incredible. He is helpful, he listens, he cuddles, he’s funny. He’s awesome. But the Jeckyl and Hyde thing? Damn!

    6 responses to “It’s not always sunshine and rainbows”

    1. alison says:

      I love you guys. *hug*

    2. Lindsy M says:

      Hey A, just wanted to offer you a big hug. I hope things get better for you all very soon. – L

    3. Kelle says:

      ya know…i struggled with the “bad parent” thoughts too when my oldest needed therapy at age 6. i shared my thoughts with a friend that was a therapist and she gave me the best advice ever. she said that a bad parent is the one that doesnt get their child therapy when they need it. so, whenever you are feeling down, realize that you are doing what is best for your child and THAT makes you a wonderful mother:-) love you-i am here if you need to talk.

    4. Becky says:

      Big hugs!!! T&Ps that you find the help everyone needs.

    5. Rebecca says:

      You’re a great mom!

      I know that by now you probably think that I blame everything on food allergies… but, with James when we got the foods he’s allergic to out of his diet, he became much more emotionally stable. He used to completely lose it over any little thing not going the way he wanted or not getting what he wanted, but after getting the foods out of his diet he became much easier to be around. He was still a 4 year old and didn’t like losing, etc. but he wouldn’t have a screaming fit about every little thing anymore. Even now that he’s 7 it clearly comes back when he has foods that he shouldn’t.

      Love you! Sorry you’re having a rough week.

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *