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    Is it beta day yet?

    I swear each day of waiting becomes harder and harder!

    Ever heard of the green-eyed (a.k.a. jealously) monster? Well, I am now officially bunking with the “doubt” monster. He’s moved in and made himself very comfortable!
    I realize it’s an ongoing trend for me though, from reading all my previous journals here: I start off really positive and then the closer that the “day of answers” comes, the more and more doubtful I become. Of course, all turns out well in the end, but me and “Doubty” sure have a fun relationship.

    I had a mini-meltdown yesterday. I woke up to my 6am alarm and in continuing with my ritual I stuck a thermometer in my mouth. I wanted to chart during this process: mostly because I was curious to see what the meds really do to you. My temperature had dropped! For those who know the charting process, you know that when your temperature starts to drop towards the end of your cycle, it’s typically a sure sign that Aunt Flow is on the way. My heart got sad. THEN I started to feel some cramping. Now, I’ve felt cramps ever since my retrieval, but these were “different” cramps… “familiar” cramps. I had no pregnancy tests at home, so in my brilliant mind-state, I thought, “Hey, let’s take an ovulation test!” HCG in pregnancy is sometimes picked up on ovulation tests: after all they should be measuring the same chemical, right? Well? Nothing — test was negative. So now I had a lowered temp, what felt like menstrual cramps and no detectable HCG levels. I had doubt!

    Katie (who is my cycle buddy) came to rescue me off my ledge, which I am very appreciative of! She scolded me for still temping and told me that none of the other signs meant anything I should be worried about. The progesterone I’m taking could be the cause for many of the misconstrued symptoms. After I got home I hid away my thermometer. I WILL NOT chart until the blood test!

    I’m also continuing to talk to the two embies. I’m starting to make a list of reasons why they want to be born into this world.
    – Watching tree leaves change colors in fall
    – The smell of cold air
    – The feel of the first snow of the season
    – Hearing a favorite song play on the radio
    – Family
    – Friends
    – Kitty purrs and soft fur
    – Watching birds fly
    – Chocolate
    – All sorts of different yummy foods
    – The twinkle of Christmas lights
    – Christmas songs
    – Going to the beach
    – Sunny days with puffy white clouds

    Wanna join me?

    4 responses to “Is it beta day yet?”

    1. Libby says:

      Great parents!

    2. Kirsten says:

      – The scent of a fabulous meal cooking
      – Mastering something new, like walking
      – Lying in a meadow staring up at the stars
      – The smell of jet fuel in the morning…

      High marks to Katie for helping you off the ledge. I am with you that waiting is the worst part of almost any situation. I am rooting for you.

    3. Evonne says:

      – Visiting Auntie Evonne and Uncle Darren on the beautiful island of Maui, and go island-hopping too! =)

    4. EmWed says:

      lots and lots of Nestie aunts
      reading a book by a fire
      snuggles with a great mom and dad!

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