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    Comparing kids. Or rather not.

    I am really struggling with avoiding comparisons between our two sons. I want to look at them and treat them as their own individuals (which they are), but it’s been hard not to compare these past 24 weeks (as a matter of fact I’ve already failed on this one), and I wonder how I’ll stop myself from doing it for the rest of their lives.

    I’ll admit, in many ways, I am going into parenting S2 and blind as I was with G. I had grand visions of things I would do (or wouldn’t do) with G that turned out to be flat opposites. NOW I take for granted the things that worked with G that I’m blindly thinking will also work for S2. Things like swaddling, liking the swing, the whitenoise, preferring nursing over formula … sleeping in the nursery early on. What if it’s the opposite? What if he hates swaddling and insists on sleeping with us? Some of these things, honestly scare the crap out of me. I felt like every time we got used to G’s routine something new came up to tackle. I fear having to re-learn how to be a mommy to a newborn, or a 3 month old, or a one year old all over again.

    Parenting styles aside, I still do feel guilty about comparing. I fear the phrase “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” escaping my lips more than you can imagine. I don’t want G to feel like he has to be a role model, any more than I feel that S2 has to follow in his brother’s footsteps. I want them to make the decisions that are right for them. If they happen to be similar: great. I just don’t want to push them in that direction. At the same time if they want to do things together as they grow older, I don’t want to stop them from it either. I just want them to feel in control. With our parental guidance that is.

    So this has been my latest irrational fear. I hope come November, this will be a distant and silly worry. Or maybe I’ll come to terms that comparison is a given and feel less guilty about it.

    One response to “Comparing kids. Or rather not.”

    1. Kelly Marie says:

      Girrrrrl, have you been reading my blog? It took me 2 whole months of being Winter’s mommy to realize that she was her own little person. She was NOT going to be a carbon copy of her brother as an infant. Exactly as you wrote…G liked the swing, W does not. Grey hated being swaddled & loved cosleeping, Winnie loves being swaddled and sleeps better away from me. The dumbest part was that I was letting myself feel like a BAD MOM for the fact that she doesn’t like the swing. Like it was a reflection of my parenting or something.

      Once I started to learn more about how SHE wanted to be parented, what worked for HER, I was able to let go of some of that mommy guilt. I wish I had known some of this before I birthed her. It seems so simple and logical, right?

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