Gametes In Love

Every once in a while in this parenting journey you’ll get the opportunity of quiet snickering while you laugh AT your children.

Imagine, as a matter of fact, a little boy that never pronounces his R’s and is showing you his little train toy.
What he’s trying to say: ‘Look! A little Percy!’
What he’s actually saying? I’ll let you figure this one out on your own. It may help to say it out loud though… as long as you’re not in an office environment. I had to ask S2 to repeat himself, to his Daddy, so we can both enjoy this.

A couple of months after G’s therapist had been seeing him regularly, S and I had a debrief. She told us her observations, and recommended that we seek an Asperger evaluation from a specialist. I won’t lie: as a parent, no one wants to hear this. Yet, I’ve had a nagging question in the back of my head since he was 2, if it’s something we need to consider. It made my stomach sink. Deep in my gut, I knew he wouldn’t be assessed that way, but I couldn’t shake the what if’s. Ms. E noted that his case was puzzling for her. Overall, many aspects of his personality & behavior are conflicting to an Asperger diagnosis, but a few items stood out: his deep intrigue with long ‘things’ (sticks, ladders, strings… especially strings),

Finding an available specialist in this field wasn’t a particular cake walk either. I called a few places that told me they didn’t have anyone available to do the evaluation, or weren’t taking clients. I was warned by some friends that this type of evaluation would likely NOT be covered by insurance and will come out of pocket. They weren’t wrong: the one person that I finally was able to reach that could work with us, notes that she doesn’t bill out insurance, but we were welcome to file a claim on our own, with her invoice, once we paid her.
So… The evaluation had 4 components: 1) an intake conversation with S, her and myself; 2) a school observation; 3) surveys that S, one of G’a teachers and I had to individually complete; 4) a structured play session with G in her office. I’ll tell you right now that the structured play appointment felt really awkward for me: I got a slight sense at what zoo animals might feel like, or the Royal Families when they’re followed by paparazzi.
In the interim I purchased myself a book on Asperger syndrome. I read about a chapter and had to put it away. With every symptom I read I began mapping aspects of G’s behavior to it. All of a sudden my confidence that we would receive a negative diagnosis was eroding and it was freaking me out.
In the end, though, the specialist’s analysis was that G was not on the spectrum and was not a clinical (or even borderline) case of Asperger Syndrome. One of the things that stood out for me, though, was that our survey valuations did not reflect how we described him. What we were describing was G at his most difficult phase, while the G we live with today: the one the survey asked us to describe is a much different kid. It made me realize that we lived daily, paranoid that that time would return, and not appreciate the time with the awesome kid we have living in our home today. It also made me question if we had filled out the evaluation survey a year ago, would it show a very different result than the one we received?

Regardless, what we are left with is a peace of mind and an answer to a question that’s been on the back of my head for over two years. Not Autistic. We were encouraged, though, to continue working with his regular therapist and reevaluate changes on an annual basis.

In review with his regular therapist we also, all (with the guidance of Ms. E), concluded that coming in weekly wasn’t really necessary any more. We’ll reduce to every other week and decide if even that needs to change in two months’ time. This works for me. G starts his last year in pre-school in a week in a whole new classroom with a new teacher. Many of his current classmates will join him, for which I’m thankful, but transitions with him still make me anxious.

Meanwhile I’ll celebrate where we are today; the incredible people that have offered their experience, support and resources during the process, and ongoing if the result had been any different. We’ve got a good village. 🙂