Gametes In Love

I had the boys to myself tonight. S was at a conference, in the city tonight, and I was left fending for the rest of the R-crew on my lonesome. As I was cooking dinner, and trying to get the kids to NOT trip me over as they played in the kitchen, I started asking myself what it was that I REALLY expected of G at this point in time. Specifically his behavior. I asked myself this, because this afternoon he was throwing a mini-tantrum. Actually, by previous standards established by this kid is was more of a micro-tantrum.

I won’t go to say that our problems have been “fixed”, because surely they haven’t. I won’t even go so far to say that the therapy G has been going to on a regular basis has even done anything either. But this afternoon’s behavior was inline with, what I guess, would be my dream goal. G had booked his seat on a whine tour, was occasionally swatting in S2’s direction, whenever little bro would get in his space, and threw the top of his monkey barrel when he got mad that he couldn’t close it shut. Ideal behavior? Heck to the no! But, in comparison to what I could have written 2-3 weeks ago? Major improvement! His response was “milder”, shorter lived, and as soon as dinner was on the table, over.

That’s when I had to really stop and ask myself what I truly considered reasonable to ask for. He’s 4. I can not expect him to have the same responses to his emotions S and I do. We internalize a lot, and vocalize only after we process our own crap. I won’t speak for S, but I can tell you I didn’t get to this point until I had graduated college. If it took me 21 years to get here, so why in the world should I assume a 4yr will match me?

So as a whole what I saw this afternoon was good. This afternoon, I can deal with.

Would I LOVE for him to listen and do what I say 100% of the time? Hell yeah! It would make things like picture days (there won’t be a school picture of him this year, btw), soccer class, and doctor’s visits a lot better. But I guess that’s the “unrealistic” nirvana. Until then, baby steps.

He’s doing play therapy twice a week now. Twice because, well, 1) it’s covered by insurance (save our co-pay); 2) if it’s actually doing something for him, I’d rather build on the momentum; 3) could it bring us some answers sooner?
S and I will also be meeting with a parenting counselor next week. We’re kinda swarming around this situation from all angles. Perhaps then, this feeling of helplessness will be a little better.