Gametes In Love

G can count. To 10. I don’t know about you, by this blows my socks off.

Tonight as we were cleaning up toys after his playdate with Special K, I was picking up his stacking cups. I counted, 1, 2. He then added 3. I said 4, then he added 5. We went all the way up to 10 (with him only not pronouncing 8, but knowing 9 comes next). S was watching it all, and while my jaw was dropped, he said “Oh yeah, he can do this. He just won’t do it when you ask him to.” We did this approach to counting 3 times in a row.

All this means is that I get to stalk him with my video camera now. Who knows when he’ll do it again.

But the boy can count.

I am really struggling with avoiding comparisons between our two sons. I want to look at them and treat them as their own individuals (which they are), but it’s been hard not to compare these past 24 weeks (as a matter of fact I’ve already failed on this one), and I wonder how I’ll stop myself from doing it for the rest of their lives.

I’ll admit, in many ways, I am going into parenting S2 and blind as I was with G. I had grand visions of things I would do (or wouldn’t do) with G that turned out to be flat opposites. NOW I take for granted the things that worked with G that I’m blindly thinking will also work for S2. Things like swaddling, liking the swing, the whitenoise, preferring nursing over formula … sleeping in the nursery early on. What if it’s the opposite? What if he hates swaddling and insists on sleeping with us? Some of these things, honestly scare the crap out of me. I felt like every time we got used to G’s routine something new came up to tackle. I fear having to re-learn how to be a mommy to a newborn, or a 3 month old, or a one year old all over again.

Parenting styles aside, I still do feel guilty about comparing. I fear the phrase “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” escaping my lips more than you can imagine. I don’t want G to feel like he has to be a role model, any more than I feel that S2 has to follow in his brother’s footsteps. I want them to make the decisions that are right for them. If they happen to be similar: great. I just don’t want to push them in that direction. At the same time if they want to do things together as they grow older, I don’t want to stop them from it either. I just want them to feel in control. With our parental guidance that is.

So this has been my latest irrational fear. I hope come November, this will be a distant and silly worry. Or maybe I’ll come to terms that comparison is a given and feel less guilty about it.